Hurtful Axiom
by Angie010
Summary: Events following Horizon! Shepard and the crew react and deal with what happened in their own way. Will Shepard forgive Kaidan? Focused around Fem/Shep and Kaidan, but other Characters viewpoints are included.
1. Prologue

**AN: This is a new story that I am currently working on. I am stuck with my other story 'Mass Confusion' but I am still continuing it! This story was originally supposed to be a one shot, but that changed. I fell in love with the ideas that were rushing through my mind and just went with it! So far on Microsoft word I have about 32 pages worth of text. So yes, I will be uploading more, if you guys like it. :] Anyways here's the prologue, let me know your opinion! **

**-Bioware owns all-**

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><p><strong>Prologue: Hurtful Axiom <strong>

The Citadel this time of year was extremely busy and no one really knew why. Maybe because back on Earth it was summer, and the kids still had the standard three month break from school, and the only place they wanted to travel to was the Citadel. Where the great Commander Shepard defeated an advanced 'Geth warship' they happened to call Sovereign.

Shepard bobbed and weaved through the annoyingly crowded walkways towards Anderson's Quarters. It had been two maybe three days following her awakening when she saw she had received a message from Anderson asking her to come to the Citadel to confirm her existence.

She entered the room, "Shepard!" Andersons face carried so much stress and anxiety since the last time she saw him seven days… No, not days years, and not seven two. Two years ago. She could not grasp the thought, the idea of being dead for two years and then brought back only to be working with _Cerberus_. Even her mind spat the word out when thinking of it.

"Anderson! It's so good to see you!" She walked over to him giving him a friendly embrace. He was stiff, barely returned the hug; he was on guard, not being able to trust her just yet. She awkwardly backed away.

"Shepard, if it is you, I thought I'd give you the decency to prove your identity to me and the Council. But considering the new Council has never met or seen you before in person, they decided it best if I deal with you first."

She swallowed hard, nerves beginning to shake and quiver. Why was she nervous, she was the great Commander Shepard, nervous was not in her vocabulary. Right as she was about to say something, the door swished open, and a deep familiar husky voice rang out. Her heart skipped a beat before turning around to confirm her speculations.

"Councilor Ander…. Shepard? Is, is that you?" Instantly a worry line crossed his forehead, swiftly changing to anger and fear. She could hear the humming of his biotics begin to roar louder.

"Shit," was all the Commander could muster out before she was flung into the air, and then placed into a staisis.

"Kaidan! What the hell are you doing? Release her now Goddammit!" Anderson's voice rang throughout his room, passed his door, and out into the hallway.

Kaidan glanced over at Anderson and placed a barrier over his body while levitating him. He couldn't trust either of them. Anderson is holding secret meetings with _Cerberus?_ While his attention was placed on Anderson Shepard managed to wring free of her Stasis but before she could send any dark energy towards Kaidan he pulled her towards her with his Biotics. She was in his arms in less than two seconds, he held her there briefly looking deeply into her eyes as he did the inevitable.

"Sorry Shepard." He stabbed her heart with a military issued knife, pressing it as deep as it would go.

Shepard screamed out in pain, the highest pitched noise Kaidan had ever heard.

"No!" Shepard shot out of bed, screamed on the top of her lungs, clutching her heart where she was stabbed. Only, she wasn't stabbed, there was no wound, no scar, nothing.

"It was only a dream," she gasped for air as she whispered those calming words to herself, repeating them over and over. Her whole body was drenched in sweat trembling from the nightmare.

She slowly managed to climb out of bed and make her way towards the shower. She glanced at the clock, 5:30 in the afternoon.  
>"Ugh, what is wrong with me, only napping for half an hour before all hell breaks loose in my head?" Shepard had been having these strong visual nightmares ever since finding out about Kaidan being stationed on Horizon. Where they were headed, in fact by now they should be about one hour away from arrival. Just as she thought that Joker came over the com. His voice drowning the room.<p>

"Shepard, we are an hour away from drop point, just your friendly reminder."

"Thanks Joker. Let Garrus and Miranda know to get prepped."

"Will do Commander."

With that he cut the connection and she sighed before turning to head to the shower.

"I've got a bad feeling about this." She said to her pet hamster before stripping off her clothes and hopping into the shower.


	2. Advice of Acumen

**Sorry for the delay in updating this story. I had midterms this week and a bunch of homework I was procrastinating... :D I would love to hear your guys's advice or comments about this story so please please leave some feedback, it would be much appreciated! **

**I personally enjoy Chakwas as a character. Although we don't interact with her much in ME 2, I always found her as someone who admires Shepard on a different parent-like level. Anyways, here's another chapter, I'll post one this weekend as well. And if you have read my other story Mass Confusion, I haven't forgotten about it. I had complete writers block but I thought of some awesome ideas. :] **

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><p>Chapter 2<p>

Chakwas had sensed something was wrong when Shepard didn't come by for the usual chat they often shared. Worry creased her face and she glanced out of her window to see if she could spot Shepard walking over. Nothing, she was contemplating whether or not to talk to someone, see if they knew if anything was going on.

"Ah, I'm sure everything is fine." She reassured herself glancing back down at her report she was filling out.

But she could not shake that feeling of something being so awfully wrong out of her mind. At that moment she was startled by the sound of the door behind her hissing open and a few second after, closed. Chakwas turned around hoping to find Shepard standing there smiling upon her, but she was sadly misled. It was just Samara, although her presence was greatly appreciated as well, but she was no Shepard. They did not share that special bond that those two did. It was as if she was her own daughter in a way. Shepard always seemed to come to her for advice when she needed it most.

"Oh, what a surprise Samara, I wasn't expecting you to be here." She said with a genuine smile.

"Yes, sorry if I am intruding, I know you are a busy woman, but I have something troubling that I need to discuss with someone." Samara was standing up straight, never quivered, and just stood there strongly with her chin up and chest proud. She portrayed the image of pure wisdom and knowledge. That very presence intimidated the doctor slightly.

"Oh, of course, you're not intruding. What's on your mind?" She motioned for her to sit at the seat across from her. Samara followed.

"Well I was meditating while Shepard was on her mission on Horizon, when I sensed something was not quite right. This was of course when Shepard was making her way back from the planet. I tried to ignore the sensation I was receiving but it only strengthened over some time. I decided to try and focus my energy on it trying to pinpointing where and what it was, but I was struggling. Of course this was strange because I am extra in tune with emotions and signals that come my way." She paused and took in an exaggerated breath before she continued.

"I decided I would stop my meditation and head outside to see if anyone noticed that something was wrong. By then the feeling was overwhelming. I stepped outside of the observation room and noticed someone exiting where Kasumi often stayed. I thought nothing of it and began my journey forward. That's when Shepard stepped out, and the same sensation I felt came rushing towards me with such a force that could have knocked me down. I had to step back to stop from falling over. I noticed she was holding a very potent bottle of Asari liquor and couldn't help but feel worried for her. I don't know what happened down at Horizon but it must have affected her in such a way that tore her apart." By now Samara was out of the seat pacing slowly in front of Chakwas.

"Hmm," was all Chakwas could muster out, obviously in deep thought although she knew exactly what had happened to her.

"I was contemplating whether or not to talk to her, she was paused staring at me intensely, but I decided against it and retreated back into the room. Might I ask, do you know what could have caused her to resort to acting this way? Looking for liquor is hardly what I imagined her doing after a mission, Doctor. I am fairly worried about her Chakwas, and I know how close you two have gotten." Worry rushed across Samara's face. "You must know something that may help her."

"The only thing that comes to mind that could affect her so profoundly is… but no, it couldn't be, he couldn't be there, not this far into the terminus systems. Alliance would never had sent him this far." Speaking more to herself now than to Samara, she wanted to confirm her suspicions. That's when she called joker over the intercom set up in her medical office.

"Joker, this is Chakwas, was it who I think it was back on Horizon who caused Shepard to act in such a manner?"

"If you're talking about '_Staff Commander Alenko',_ then yes, it was. Why do you ask doc?" Joker had an annoyed tone to his voice while referring to Kaidan, it seemed like that's all the crewmembers could talk about.

"Oh, it's nothing, just go about your business in driving this ship." With that she closed the comm before Joker could reply.

"I think I might know what this is all about. Staff Commander Alenko, as I just confirmed, was stationed there during the attack. Those two had a strong relationship back on the first Normandy. You know he sat by her side in the medical bay, while she lay there unconscious, he stayed awake for almost 24 hours straight because of something he thought was his fault," the doctor sighed while shaking her head slightly, "if what I think happened, then the commander could be in deeper trouble than we thought."

"What do you mean 'deeper trouble' what trouble could she be in now? I thought the Collectors were the worst of her problems?"

"The Collectors are still her worst problem, in the sense that humanity will perish, but this trouble, is different, more affective in distracting her if she chooses it to be."

Samara stopped her pacing, walked over to Chakwas and placed her hand lightly on her shoulder.

"Then there's no one better that I would recommend to talk to her. If I were close enough I would try to myself, but I doubt that will do much for her. Please Doctor, what I felt wasn't something that just happens on a regular basis, it was overpowering to say the least. I have rarely ever felt such a surge like the one that was radiating off of her. It worries me, even frightens me." She glanced towards the door, removing her hand off the doctor's shoulder and made way towards the exit.

She spoke again over her shoulder towards the doctor just before exiting, "If this Staff Commander Alenko was so close to her, how could he place her in this situation and leave with her heart broken?" She paused for a second, "the human race occasionally astonishes me at times, and the things you are capable of doing worries me even more." With that Samara exited the room and headed towards the observation deck to meditate.

"I shock myself too sometimes," Chakwas barely whispered. She sunk back into her chair and just stared at her screen on the desk. Not feeling the urge to finish her report, or even do any work for that matter. All she could think of were the memories of Kaidan and Shepard, sneaking into her office, trying to be discrete. But they knew that the rest of the crew was aware about their relationship and they still made the effort to sneak around regardless. She let out a soft chuckle to herself.

"Oh you two were something alright!"

"Sorry to interrupt Doctor, I would highly suggest that you check on Shepard. The video feed to her room shows me that she is sprawled across the floor in what seems to be an uncomfortable position that will surely cause some soreness in the morning."

"Oh, EDI, you startled me a bit! But of course, I will make my way over to her cabin straight away. And thank you for informing me."

"You're welcome Doctor."

With that Doctor Chakwas got up from her seat and made way towards the elevator which would carry her up to the entrance to Shepard's private quarters.

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><p>Shepard woke up with half her body on her bed and half dangling off the side. Her feet were numb, along with her hands, shoulders and legs. Just about every muscle and limb was numb to the touch. She tried lifting herself up, but she just wouldn't budge. She sighed in resignation and just lay there staring at her ceiling. She realized that this was the first night since her resurrection that she didn't have any reoccurring nightmares about her death or Kaidan.<p>

"How much did I drink? I don't even remember how I got to my room."

She began rubbing her now throbbing forehead, fully not expecting a reply to her unanswered question. The reason behind her jolt when EDI replied with a calculated answer.

"According to my calculations, you drank over three quarters of the Asari liquor before passing out along side your bed." EDI replied nonchalantly. "I took the liberty of having Doctor Chakwas check up on you, that's when she lifted you and placed you upon your bed."

"I thought I said not have anyone disturb me while in my room, EDI?"

"I realized that is what you told me Shepard, but it looked as though you needed some assistance, and considering how close you and the Doctor have gotten, I figured you wouldn't have minded if she was the one who arrived to assist you."

There was a moment's pause as Shepard began to slightly move up into a sitting position. She made a pained face while she managed to place a little too much pressure on one hand versus the other.

"No, if you say it looked as though I needed some assistance, then I'll just have to agree with you. And thank you for sending Chakwas rather than anyone else aboard the ship. It means a lot."

"Of course Shepard, I am also here to inform you that you have slept for 12 hours straight and Joker has still not set a course or destination for anywhere specific. He has been since flying in between fueling depots around Horizon. I suggest that if you have a destination in mind, that you send the coordinates to Joker so he can fulfill his duty as the helmsman."

"12 hours eh? Wow, felt like it was only 2. Thank you EDI, I'll be sure to have Joker set a course soon."

"Understood. Logging you out, Shepard."

By now Shepard had made it to her feet and started heading over to her desk. When she arrived to her private terminal, she noticed a blinking unread message. She decided that it could wait and made her way towards the shower. Shepard always found that taking an extremely warm shower the morning after drinking, relaxes every muscle in her body. It made her feel as though she is refreshed and ready for anything that came here way. These days it was the slightest moment where she could really unwind for a few minutes and just relax. But every blissful moment has its harsh ends. She got out unwillingly and dressed in her casual gear and made way to her desk to read the unread message.

Her heart skipped a beat, she sunk down into her chair, and immediately felt her hand begin to shake, her whole body began to quiver, and that's when Joker interrupted.

"Uh, Commander, hate to bug you when you clearly said not to be disturbed. But I am _really _board of driving this ship between these two fueling depots. _Please_ tell me you have a destination in mind?" His voice was very annoyed and tired. Knowing him he hasn't left the cockpit since Shepard's arrival back on the Normandy. She often wondered how he could stand staying up there for such a long time, even with the new leather seat addition.

"Sorry Joker, I… uh, needed some time to myself. But set a course straight to the Citadel. Let everyone know they have a 48 hour shore leave. That means you too Joker. I'd better not see you aboard the Normandy in the two days we are docked there! And yes that is an order."

"But, ugh… fine. I guess I could stretch my legs a little. ETA, 4 hours."

With that, silence engulfed the room again. She refocused on the message before her.

_Shepard,_

_I'm sorry for what I said back on Horizon. I spent two years pulling myself back together after you went down with the Normandy. It took me a long time to get over my guilt for surviving and move on. I'd finally let my friends talk me into going out for drinks with a doctor on the Citadel. Nothing serious, but trying to let myself have a life again, you know?_

_Then I saw you, and everything pulled hard to port. You were standing in front of me, but you were with Cerberus. I guess I really don't know who either of us is anymore. Do you even remember that night before Ilos? That night meant everything to me… maybe it meant as much to you. But a lot has changed in the last two years and I can't just put that aside. _

_But please be careful. I've watched too many people close to me die - On Eden Prime, on Virmire, on Horizon, on the Normandy. I couldn't bear it if I lost you again. If you're still the woman I remember, I know you'll find a way to stop these Collector attacks. But Cerberus is too dangerous to be trusted. Watch Yourself._

_When things have settled down a little… maybe… I don't know. Just take care._

_-Kaidan_

She didn't realize that she'd been holding her breath the whole time she was reading the message. She re-read it over and over again until she practically memorized the whole thing. She tried to imagine him sitting at a desk reading it out loud with vast amount of emotions running through him, anger, frustration, mistrust, love, hatred. Every emotion she knew he must have been feeling was justified. She couldn't imagine having the situation reversed. Having him gone, dead for two years, and then out of the blue, just pop up to save her life after the collectors almost take her away onto their ship. She shuttered and quickly shook that thought of her mind. But he was quick to blame on Horizon, he barely even let her explain. And with what she did manage to say, he brushed it aside with the accusations about working 'for' Cerberus. She sat there contemplating whether or not to send him a message. Does he expect to receive one from her? He did say when things settle down to contact him, or was he just being nice? This went on for about half an hour until she gave up and decided that her hunger should be attended to before trying to make any reply, after all she had 4 hours. Plus the crew was probably worried sick about her right now.


	3. Wrath of Love

Chapter 1: Wrath of Love

Shepard was waiting impatiently in the decontamination room with two of her crewmembers, Garrus and Miranda. She tapped her foot vigorously on the ground. If the floor wasn't so sturdy she would have bore a hole through the ground. As soon as the door to the Normandy's interior flushed open Shepard rushed through them.

"Commander you're back! How did it go with…?"

Shepard swiftly walked passed Joker without even acknowledging he was there, let alone talking to her.

Joker turned to Garrus whom by now was standing by the pilot's chair.

"It was that bad huh? Man just when I thought Alenko and Shepard would bring some more juicy gossip aboard the Normandy."

Garrus rolled his eyes and thought about smacking him upside the head, but instead he let it go.

"Yeah, it was pretty bad down there. If she didn't care for him so much, I swear I would have drop kicked his ass after the things he said to her…. After the things he accused her of."

"Humph, really? What happened?" Jokers face brightened a little. He always loved hearing a scandalous story, especially one between the two lover birds.

"Sorry Joker, not my place to say. If you want to know badly, why don't you ask Shepard?"

With that Garrus leaned off of Jokers chair and made for the elevator. As he was walking down the hallway towards the map of the Normandy, Kelly shot him a concerned look. He just knew she was going to ask him what had happened.

"Garrus, can I talk to you for a second?"

He sighed, "Sure, what's on your mind?"

She looked to the ground. She seemed, nervous.

"Well… I, uh, this is hard for me to say. I'll just go right out and say it." She took in a deep breath, trying to steady her heart beat. Then she glanced back at him, into his eyes. "Garrus, I have always found you interesting, intriguing really. I have been fighting the urge to come down and talk to you ever since you stepped foot onto the Normandy. But just now, seeing how upset Shepard was after talking with Kaidan, it dawned on me; I can't hold my feelings in any longer. If I do I might never get the chance to ever tell you how I feel."

Garrus shifted on his feet, feeling a bit awkward. He's never been hit on let alone even considered hitting on a human before. He'd always found them unattractive, of course besides Shepard, but Shepard, well she's different. But listening to Kelly, and seeing how nervous she was, it kind of intrigued him.

"Garrus, I think I have a crush on you. No, I _know_ I have a crush on you and I was wondering if possibly we could go out and have drinks next time we land somewhere, when we get some shore leave." She gazed deeply into his eyes searching for something, anything that would tell her that she didn't make the biggest mistake of her life.

She's usually good at reading people's feelings, considering her job status. But when it came to Garrus, she had no clue as to what was going on in that Turian head of his. That's part of the reason why she was attracted to him in the first place.

Garrus cleared his throat, feeling it start to tighten a little, thinking a glass of water sounded extremely appetizing at the moment. "I am very flattered Kelly, I can honestly say I have never had a human advance on me before, actually come to think about it, it's never really happened, ever."

Her cheeks started turning a bright red, almost matching the color of her hair. She tried desperately to control the blushing, but it wasn't happening.

"But, yeah, I would like to share a drink with you, why not? What have I got to lose?" Immediately after saying that, he regretted it. It sounded ass-ish. Did he really just say, 'what have I got to lose?' He swore he heard Joker laugh to himself right after saying that. Garrus made a mental note to bug him about it later.

Kelly didn't mention how that sounded, she just seemed relieved he didn't blow her off and say no. In fact, she smiled gracefully, her eyes twinkling from the lights gleaming down from above her. She simply nodded and turned to her screen continuing her work. With that Garrus headed towards the elevator and back to his job, working on calibrations.

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><p>Shepard stormed off pasted Joker not noticing what he said, and at this moment she didn't give a crap. The only thing on her mind was getting to the private bar stashed away where Kasumi often stayed and drinking until she passed out. She had been extremely furious following what had been said on Horizon between her and Kaidan. She couldn't believe what had come out of his mouth. Had he really thought all those things about her? Did he really think she had forgotten what they shared? As soon as she made it to the elevator she sunk against the wall and eventually plopped to the floor. She buried her hands in her face and quietly sobbed.<p>

"I-I don't deserve this," she said out loud, talking to nobody but herself, "all I wanted to do was-was find him so I could be with him again." Her tears began to fall more rapidly down her cheeks. Leaving behind white streaks where the dirt from Horizon was washed away from the salty solution mix her eyes let out.

The door to the elevator swished open, she quickly rose and wiped the tears from her face and made her way to where the liquor was stashed. She grabbed the most potent liquor she could find and started to make her way back towards the elevator. When she stepped foot out of the room she noticed someone out of the corner of her eye. Samara was standing there, taking her in, and deciding whether or not to say anything. She didn't, instead she turned around and headed back towards the observation deck. Before the door closed Shepard heard her heave out a heavy worried sigh. Still paused in her tracks, she felt her shoulders sag even more than before. Had she upset Samara with retorting straight to the alcohol? No matter, Shepard didn't care; this was the only way she could cope with what had just happened a few moments ago.

She turned and made her way towards the elevator, pressed the button and waited patiently for it to make its way down. She glanced at the bottle that was grasped tightly in her hand.

"Well might as well get started on it now."

She cracked open the Asari liquor and began taking huge gulps of it. Feeling the burning sensation wrap around her tongue, then sliding down towards the back of her throat, only to begin burning even more when it made its way down to her stomach. Concentrating on the sensation had temporarily distracted her from constantly replaying the scene between her and Kaidan.

The elevator door swished open only to reveal Garrus standing there in front of her. He looked surprised, thinking she would have been in her private room by now with the door locked tighter than ever before. He gave her a weak smile then proceeded to leave the elevator, only to realize that she was already tipsy and well on her way to being completely drunk. But she was a biotic, and don't they not feel the full effects of alcohol? Or was it not having a hangover afterwards? It didn't matter he refocused on the woman in front of him.

Shepard glanced at him not completely registering that he was standing there. She glanced down towards the liquor in her hands and spoke out loud with an unusual hoarse voice.

"Damn… this stuff really works." She chuckled. Without even realizing it she was guided into the elevator by Garrus which had also pressed the button sending it straight to her cabin. He knew she didn't want to talk to anyone right now. Just wanted to be alone and have time to think things over.

"Relax Shepard, go to your cabin and just relax, maybe even consider some sleep."

She stumbled up against the walls of the elevator and gave him a sheepish smile and proceeded to say something, but the doors quickly closed on the two of them. He sighed heavily and made his way back to his post. He couldn't help but worry about her.

Shepard finally made it to her cabin and demanded that EDI keep the door shut tight and to not be bothered unless the ship was being attacked or falling apart.

"Shepard, if you would like, I could tell Joker to set course for our next destination."

"EDI, please, just shhhh, shhhh," she cautiously made her way down the small flight of stairs before falling down by her bedside, "he can handle not having orders for now."

"Yes, Shepard. Logging you out, Shepard."

She laid her face down onto the edge of the bed finally feeling the full force affect of the alcohol. Clinging onto the bottle of liquor in her hand she glanced down at it, seeing that it was almost empty, she made an exaggerated groan.

"Just when tings were gettin' greatttt, I emmmm almost done with my bttlee. I sshould-ave brought two!" Barely being able to talk, she ending her statement with an excited shout, followed by small soft snores.

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><p>Joker couldn't help but feel left out of the loop. Since when did Garrus get so protective and not want to share vital information about what had happened between Shepard and Kaidan? The only real explanation Joker could think of was that it must have gone pretty awful. He was longing for some answers and he refused to be left in the dark. That's when he decided he would look at the camera footage that was stationed across the Normandy.<p>

"A little spying won't hurt, besides someone has to know something about what had happened," he spoke to himself.

As he was looking through the camera footage, he started with Chakwas, maybe Shepard went to her for some 'motherly' advice. Nothing, next he looked at the observation deck, only to find Samara meditating. Before he switched to the next footage, he noticed that Samara's facial expression had darkened. That's when she floated back to the ground and rose up graciously in one fluid movement. He couldn't help but be in awe as he watched Samara, she always piqued his interests. She began to walk over towards the door exiting the observation deck. Crap, the angle is worth shit, that's when he came across the camera angled towards Samara getting a full view of the hallway. Watching patiently, he saw Shepard poke out of Kasumi's usual hiding spot. That also happens to be where the liquor was stashed away. As soon as he thought that he noticed Shepard gripping the liquor bottle with all her might as she glanced down the hallway towards Samara. Samara looked as though she was about to say something to Shepard, only then to turn around back into the room to carry on her meditating.

"That was strange." Joker spoke to himself out loud, baffled by what he just saw. "She couldn't have known what happened between her and Kaidan; she didn't even know that they were a couple!"He practically shouted the last bit. He made a mental note to talk to Samara about that next time he spoke with her. He only really spoke with her once, but in the small amount of time he did, he learned so much about her and her life that he couldn't get enough of it. Not in a sexual way, but in a friendly matter.

Focusing back on the Camera footage, he noticed that Shepard made her way to the elevator where Garrus showed up. By this time Shepard had already drank about one fourth of the bottle. Garrus was attempting to help a fumbling Shepard into the elevator, oh that's good! She's already tipsy and the bottle was still pretty full.

"Hah, woos!"

"Who's a woos?"

Joker jumped in his leather chair, startled by Jacks presence. He wasn't expecting anyone to be up here, let alone sneak up on him like that.

"Holly shit Jack! You can't just do that to me, I am a fragile person, and I could have broken a rib making me gasp like that! God!"

"Oh suck it up, pussy!" She groaned. "So are you going to tell me who's the woos or what?

"See for yourself!"

Jack leaned over the pilots shoulder looking at the intoxicated Shepard. She was sitting on the floor of the elevator singing a popular pop song that was constantly playing on repeat on the radio.

"Hah! Now that is a sight to see. Surprisingly she has a nice voice. I never picked her off as a good singer." Jack was obviously amused by what she was seeing.

"Yeah, I am just as surprised about that as you are. Wait what are you saying? Aren't you the slightest bit worried about Shepard? She practically ran for the alcohol when she stepped foot on the ship, and the only thing you notice is her singing abilities? Gah, I thought I was the insensitive one." Joker was visibly upset, but something about Jacks face lightened up his mood a bit.

"Honestly, I think that she should have brought him back to the Normandy so she could fuck the shit out of him, and then drop him back on Horizon after she was done with him. She's been extremely tense lately."

Joker couldn't help but make a disgusted face.

"Yeah, I wonder what could have possibly made her so tense! Hmm, I don't know, maybe a psychopathic crazy chick that has tattoos plastered all over her body? I don't know." He glanced over at her, only to see her smile a bit, and then quickly turn away from him. Did she actually like me saying that? He couldn't help but wonder.

"Whatever, Joke, if you don't want my company anymore, I won't bother you." She jumped up quickly, her movements carried by a force of anger that she couldn't control.

"Wait!" He spun around in his chair to face her. "I-I like your company. Besides who else would dare join me in spying on other crew members and make fun of them for the stupid things they say?"

She crossed her arms and turned around, giving him a brief smile, and then lightly punched him on the arm.

"Hey! What part of fragile human being don't you understand! Oh and by the way, don't call me Joke. I don't like pet nick names other than Joker." He sounded a bit aggravated.

This only made her laugh a bit too much, out of nervousness. She never actually enjoyed talking to a guy or anyone for that matter. She rarely trusts people in general, but there's something about Joker that piques her interest. Maybe it was that sly humor they both shared. She began to realize what she was thinking about and stopped herself from progressing the thought further. _Pathetic_, she thought to herself. But she didn't leave; instead she decided to stay with him in the cockpit.

"Alright then scoot your ass over and make some room. We've got some crewmen to fuck with!"


	4. The Team

**This chapter is obviously longer than the rest. There's a lot that goes on, so hopefully it will keep you hooked while you read all 4 thousand words! :] Anyways thanks for the Alerts and keep the reviews coming! **

**I'm posting two chapters! Yay :D haha**

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><p>Chapter 3 The Team<p>

"This is ridiculous! We have been sitting around like maggots doing nothing but eating for the past day and a half waiting for Shepard to get out of her funk!" Miranda's gaze was ice cold, shooting between her food and Jacobs face. "We are wasting time, when the Collectors are still out there."

Jacob tried hard to avoid her painful gaze, but he couldn't help but agree with the XO. They were wasting valuable time, but knowing Shepard, it must have been for a good enough reason.

"She did set a course for the Citadel just a few minutes ago, so she must be in somewhat of a better mood than before. Besides, I think she deserves some justification for her actions in the past few hours."

"Hah! Justification! You think moping around drunk in her cabin is justified? Come on Jacob, give me a break…" Before she could continue on any further, she was rudely interrupted.

"I agree with you Miranda, my actions were not justified. With that said, we are heading to the Citadel so that I may get my 'act together' and hopefully I'll have satisfied your wants and needs and blow out any concerns you may carry about me and my abilities. So that I can still be the bright and shining knight you want me to be Ms. Lawson." Shepard gave Miranda a fiery threatening glance that melted her ice cold gaze. She didn't like Miranda from the get-go; this only made her despise her even more. But she was a valuable asset to the team so she couldn't do much about it, not to mention her being the Illusive Man's personal pet.

Miranda sneered and rolled her eyes. "I don't regret that you overheard what I just said, I meant every word of it. The idea of sending you to Horizon with Alenko stationed there was to get you to push your feelings behind and focus on the suicide mission ahead of you! Not to become even more incoherent."

Shepard was slowly arriving to her breaking point, but stopped herself before she completely lost it. Not only did she have a massive headache from the alcohol, but she also had to deal with whinny bitch over here complaining about floating around in space for a few hours.

Just as she was about to protest, Garrus came strolling in.

"Shepard! It's nice to finally see your face around… here." He obviously walked in at the wrong time, his shout slowly diminished into an almost whisper when he really took in her face and saw that she was beyond pissed off. "What did I miss?"

"Oh, it was getting intense up in here! There was about to be a catfight, one that you probably wouldn't have wanted to miss." Jacob replied with a joking tone trying to ease the tension within the room.

"Catfight eh? Damn, wish I kept my mouth shut then."

Both Jacob and Garrus exchanged glances and burst out laughing. Shepard couldn't help but let out a small grin, leaving the issue between Miranda and her yet to be resolved. She figured it would have to be in private where there wouldn't be a crowd egging for a fight. She sighed and picked up her tray of food, sat down beside Jacob and began tossing down bite after bite, realizing just how hungry she had been.

"Damn Shepard, I don't think I've seen you eat this much, this fast since I boarded the Normandy." Garrus remarked, his eyes wide open in disbelief. By then Jack had joined the four of them glaring at Miranda as she walked past her. She headed over to Rupert to grab her massive biotic portion sized food, and looked please at the amount lying on her tray. She slipped in towards Shepard, placed her tray down across from her before realizing how she was eating.

"Shit Shep, your food isn't gonna go anywhere. Oh and it's nice to finally see you in person, spying on you through your rooms camera with Joker was getting kinda old." Shooting Shepard a sheepish grin.

"So that's what everyone is whispering about!" Garrus finally understood. "You two are getting a little _closer_ than usual." A wide grin stretched across his face, slightly laughing to himself.

"Hey, I heard some shit about you and Miss Chambers, how she _confessed_ her _undying love_ to you, and how you where completely flattered about a human hitting on you. So when's the wedding date? I better be invited!" Jack shot back with a furious but playful tone, laughing even louder after seeing what looked like blushing coming from the Turian.

Shepard finally glanced up from her plate of food to see what thought to be the first and last time she'd ever see a Turian blush. She couldn't help but giggle at the two. Of course she herself didn't hear any of the rumors, but she always knew that Kelly had it in for Garrus. As for Joker and Jack, well she didn't see that one coming.

"Yeah, yeah, laugh it up." Garrus's gaze avoided everyone else's while he tried to regain his composure. "So Shepard, what's on our agenda at the Citadel?" Quickly changing the subject.

Shepard leaned back against her chair and tried to speak with the dedication and power she seemed to be lacking lately.

"I need to take care of some… business, while you guys are going to enjoy two days shore leave. I suggest you use that time wisely because this will be the last shore leave until our mission is over, assuming we _survive_ our mission." She held the Turian's gaze, until he had to glance away for a few seconds. He knew exactly what 'business' she had to deal with, but decided not to comment, instead he nodded his head and got up from the table.

"Well, I better pack some things I might need, if we're staying there for two days."

With Garrus gone, Miranda followed, shooting Jack and Shepard a cold glare before disappearing behind the door that led to her personal quarters.

"I don't know what is up her ass, but it must be something ice cold. I hate that cheerleader bitch. I don't know how you put up with her bullshit Shepard. If I was you I'd have drop kicked her ass a long time ago, show her whose boss!" Jack smiled at her own cruel comment.

"Unfortunately, she's my XO, not to mention she has a 'special' connection with The Illusive Man, so who knows what he'd do if he found out I badly harmed her, not saying that I would. I don't resort to violence just because it's convenient. As a matter of fact, if there is any way for me to avoid it, I do." Shepard paused in deep thought before continuing. "There must be something personal that's bothering her, otherwise I doubt she'd be acting so… childish."

"Huh, always trying to see the best in a person, that's the difference between you and I, I couldn't give a rats ass about her '_feelings' _she's a bitch and that's all I care about. Anyways, I'm assuming we're headed towards the Citadel so you can finally fuck your ex again? I mean, that should help you get over him, so that we can _finally_ begin to focus on the mission, right?"

Shepard physically flinched at the bare bluntness of her statement. She didn't know why Jack had to say things the way she did, making a mental note to find out later.

"Uh, not, exactly… I uh," her train of thought slowly slipping away from the shock and Jack took this opportunity to say something.

"Yeah, I get it Shep, you want closure on a less physical level. Whatever you do, just make sure you don't come back worse than before. I'd hate to be the one to kick his sexy ass." She winked and smiled before getting up and disappearing into the dark.

Shepard shook her head and just sat there, thinking about him. Memories flooded her thoughts, in particular the night before Ilos. Things were much more simple back then, were they ever going to be that way again, or did she loose what they had forever. She engulfed herself in the memory of how his skin felt against hers, his lips gently caressing her cheek bone before making its way down toward her lips…

"Shepard?"

Her memory came to a screeching halt, glaring at whoever ended the sweet serenity she had briefly escaped to. Realizing it was Chakwas she lightened her gaze a bit. She just sat there waiting for her to continue talking feeling as though if she said a word, she might break down crying, especially since it was Chakwas.

"I see you finally awoke, last time I saw you, you were sprawled across the floor, bottle in hand, drooling on yourself. You okay now?" Worry creased her face as she awaited a reply.

Nothing, just a deeply sadden gaze that seemed to only get gloomier as the silence continued.

"Why don't we get up and go into the med bay so we can talk privately."

Shepard nodded in agreement and slowly rose from her chair, leaving her dirty tray and plate behind.

* * *

><p>They both made their way into the med bay. Chakwas ordered EDI to tint the windows so no one could peek inside as well as locking the door to the room. Shepard sat down in the chair across from hers and buried her face into her palms, not saying a word, not even shedding a tear. Just pure silence.<p>

The Doctor didn't mind, she had experienced this before with Shepard, when she finally opened up to her about her parents death. Now that silence, could never be compared to. The doctor could have sworn Shepard remained soundless for almost an hour before she finally decided to retell the story.

Shepard glanced up from her hands and tears began to form behind her eyes. She willed them to stop but they disobeyed her orders. One slid down her now rosy cheek while she wiped the other before it could do the same.

"I, I, I don't know what to do. He accused me of never actually dying, of betraying the Alliance so I could work for Cerberus without the red tape, without having to answer to the Council. When he fully knows that I _despise_ working with them that I'd never work _for_ them! I-I just don't know how he could have said the things he said Chakwas. It-it hurts, it feels like every emotion I ever felt about him has been torn out of me, and shredded into small pieces that can never be pieced back together. It hurts…" She took in a slow and steady breath, trying to calm her nerves down, but failed completely. "I don't know what to do. I don't."

Chakwas walked over to Shepard, pulled her up and just held her, rubbing her back like a loving mother would have done. This caused Shepard to begin sobbing; she could no longer hold back the tears. She had no more strength to keep them in and she didn't want to.

Chakwas couldn't help but feel sorry for Shepard. She had never seen her so torn up, not even while reliving her parents death. This side of the beloved commander had deeply frightened the older lady. She didn't quite know what she should tell her, but she knew where to start.

"Shepard, sweetie, everything will be just fine. He wouldn't have said those things if he didn't still care for you. You know Alenko just as well as I know him, and we both know he can be stubborn and hot headed at times. But the fact is that you were the first real person he ever opened up to following what had happened back at brain camp. He only really started talking to me because of what you had done for him. You had proven that people could be relied on, that we can be trusted, and most importantly that we were there for him."

Shepard's sobbing began to slow down.

"Once he knew that you weren't in the last shuttle, he shut down completely. Not a tear was shed; he just did what he had to do in that moment. And that's how he pursued to live his life, in the moment. He cut off all the ties that reminded him of you, which meant that he stopped talking to all of the crew that was stationed on the SR1. Not even a single goodbye was said, Shepard. You dying tore him apart, he couldn't function whenever a memory of you flashed in his mind, when your picture for the Advertisements went up, and even when he heard someone's laugh that resembled yours, he froze completely in his tracks, searching, hoping you were around."

Shepard now pulled away from Chakwas and sad back down in her chair staring intently at the doctor as she continued. Tears still flowing down her face, but the physical shuttering had slowed.

"The last I saw or heard of him was at your funeral. After it was over, I didn't even see him leave. He vanished, just like that. I tried contacting him, but he never replied, so did most of the other crewmembers but they too didn't get a reply. I think loosing you tore him apart piece by piece, and after everything he has been through, seeing you alive again in front of him, must have scared the living hell out of him. I know it feels like it was no more than a couple months ago that you were with him, nestled into his arms. But for him, it's been two years. Take what you've been feeling and times it by ten, and that's just a part of what he's gone through." The doctor paused and shook her head slightly.

"Now I am not saying what he said and what he accused you of is justified. I am just merely stating the facts. And the facts show that both of you have suffered a great deal and the only true way of fixing whatever has been broken, is not through emails or a phone call, but rather in person, face to face. Where emotions can be said without saying a word, I know we are headed towards the Citadel and I hope you are doing it to find him and speak with him. I believe that is the only way Shepard." She walked over towards her and placed a reassuring hand upon her shoulder and squeezed it gently.

By the end of her heartfelt speech, she was sitting down in the chair across from hers. Shepard was gazing at the door that opened up to the AI core, trying to take in everything Chakwas said. Slowly she began to sort every word that was floating in the air around her. Every sentence every statement sunk into her, making her feel as though the world was just crammed onto her shoulders and if she were to fall down then everyone on that world would died. Shepard knew that this was a ton of information to try and decipher right now, even for her.

"I, I know, you're right. Everything you just said to me is right. _I_ put him through it all, my _death_ is what tore him apart, piece by piece. But, I wasn't expecting him to shout and yell at me when he first saw me. He didn't even give me the time to explain my situation. And - and the e-mail he sent me, that was hardly an apology! I, I just don't know if I should see him in person, wont that make things worse than what they already are?" Worry creased over her features as she searched the doctor's face for an immediate answer.

"Do you love him?"

She was taken aback by the blunt question and didn't respond.

"Do, you, love, him?"

"Of, of course I do."

"Well, there's your answer."

She sat there, stunned, looking at the doctor, fully expecting her to say more, but she knew that was all she had to say. Four words, four strong words formed into a question that would forever change her mind. Those four simple words, would eternally make her a stronger, more reliable and self acknowledging person, who would never doubt anything without fully understanding it before hand.

Shepard understood what she and Kaidan shared, and would never risk losing that ever again, especially if she was the one who remained in control.

"Thank you Chakwas, thank you so much." With that she hugged the doctor and fled to the elevator making her way to her cabin to send the love of her life a message asking, begging for him to speak to her once more so she could try and explain _everything_. By the time she made it to her cabin, her heart was pounding, sweat began to form on her forehead, and her hands were trembling. She could barely contain herself enough to even type out her first name.

"Commander, we are an hour out from the Citadel." Joker's voice filled her room.

"Shit! I hope he gets this in time."

"Who? Alenko? Is that why we are here? I thought you were being nice when you forced this unnecessary shore leave upon us Commander." Sarcasm fully coated his reply.

"Joker, I know you can be clueless at times, but please, don't play dumb with me now."

"Oh, ouch! Thanks for the uh, compliment Shepard. I'll remember that next time you look good enough for me to comment upon."

Ignoring what he said, she closed the feed to her room and returned back to writing her reply. It had to be perfect.

_Kaidan,_

_I know I am probably the last person you want to be hearing from, but I couldn't leave things the way they were back on Horizon. I received your e-mail; I swear I must have read that thing about a million times._

_I am sorry for everything I've put you through after my return. I wanted to have a chance to try and explain everything to you in person. But considering our last in person encounter, I wouldn't be surprised if you didn't want to speak to me face to face. But please, do me the decency to at least try._

_I still care about you deeply, Kaidan, and the last thing I'd ever want to do is hurt you in any way. So if you refuse to see me and don't show up, then I'll take that as you wanting to forget and move on and I promise I'll never bother you again. But if you still believe in whatever we had before my… death, then meet me in Dark Star Lounge at the Citadel. ETA for us is 1 hour and I granted everyone here a 48 hour shore leave. _

_I hope I'll be seeing you there._

_-Shepard _

Shepard re-read the letter twice correcting any last minute flaws she sought out and sent it away, hoping he'd glance at his e-mail before her arrival to the Citadel. She sat there thinking about all the different possible ways he could respond to the e-mail, before deciding it was a waste of time and she could be getting ready instead. The first thing on her mind, a warm long shower, one that would unwind her tense shoulders a bit, something she desperately needed now. Her mind fluttered to a memory she had with Kaidan.

_Shepard laid there on her bed in a suggestive way trying to provoke a stir out of Kaidan's stern face, nothing. She huffed out a sigh, but a thought quickly rushed into her mind. She began to slowly undress herself, first starting with her hair, unwinding the perfectly pulled back bun. Shaking the dark brown curls loose, she glanced back towards Kaidan sitting on the sofa, who by now looked at her puzzled. _

_Well I got his attention at least, she thought to herself as she continued. _

_She slowly rose from the bed and seductively walked towards her mark. She laid one hand on his shoulder and the other traced his jaw line before making it towards his lips. Sitting on top of him in his lap, she began to pull her shirt off her body. She could sense Kaidan tensing up a little and felt a little movement in between her legs. She glanced down and saw that her work had been slowly paying off without her realizing it till now. _

_She smiled her sweet seductive smile that often left Kaidan speechless, this time he couldn't hold back, he wouldn't. He pulled her tightly against his body, feeling the heat rush between the two of them as he aggressively placed his lips upon hers, gradually deepening the kiss between the two. He managed to part her lips enough so he could slip his tongue insider her mouth, fully tasting her and wanting more. The pressure between his legs was getting uncomfortable, fast. Regardless he continued._

_Shepard loved the rare moments when Kaidan took complete control of her, this being one of them. She just followed his movements and mirrored his urgency. His hand slid from her lower back up towards the back of her bra, swiftly unhooking it. He broke free from her lips so he could reposition them so he was on top and in full control. Shepard slid her hands under his shirt and tore it off as fast as she could and then began to move down to his pants. _

_Oh god, finally, he thought. The pain from the slight and steady enlargement was getting overwhelming. _

_He began unbuckling her pants, slowly sliding them off. Shepard let out a soft squeal, that only meant for him to hurry up, but he did exactly the opposite. When the pants were completely stripped off, his hands found their way up to her inner thighs as she slightly arched her back, desperately wanting more. He began massaging the area gently before stopping completely. Chills ran down her spine._

_He leaned in close to her face and whispered into her ear. _

"_What do you want me to do?" His voice was deep and husky, very irresistible. _

_Confusion crossed her face, as she finally registered what he meant._

_What do I want you to do? She thought to herself, I want you to slip inside me_ now_ - thrusting deeper, harder, faster…_

"Commander, we are 10 minutes away from our destination." Joker's voice filled her room, rudely interrupting her memory. She let out a heavy frustrated sigh before replying.

"Kay, thanks for the update."

"Anytime. By the way, are you okay? You have been staring at Alenko's photo for the past half an hour."

"Do you always make it a habit to spy on whatever I do in my cabin, Joker?" Clearly annoyed by his observation.

"Hah, sorry, I really don't think you want to hear the answer to that question."

"I swear one of these days I am going to kill you!" She shut off the comm before she could regret saying anything more.

She quickly shed off her clothes, but before taking off her undergarments she decided to enter into the shower prior to getting completely naked. Making a mental note to chat with EDI about securing the camera feed to her room. She turned on the hot water and waited until her whole body relaxed, releasing tension from every muscle in her body. Ever since her encounter with Kaidan, she had been as tough as a rock, and nothing she seemed to do would make that go away. She wondered how she would be after seeing him yet again.

Remembering that she only had 10 minutes before the arrival, she quickly ended the shower, hopped out, dried herself, put on a white v-neck t-shirt that she always kept with her, along with a pair of blue skinny jeans that were her favorite pair she'd ever owned. She quickly brushed her eyelashes with mascara, smoothing away the black lines that smeared around her eyes from applying to fast. She pulled up her curly dark brown hair into a pony tail, which by now lay past her shoulders above her breasts. She smiled at how long her hair had grown, only to remind herself that when and if she would go back to the Alliance she'd have to cut it above her shoulders, yet again.

She quickly slipped her feet into a pair of old white sneakers before glancing at herself in the mirror one last time, happy with the way she looked; she began her journey out of her room, into the elevator, and down to the CIC.


	5. Defending Love

**Just so you know, if you have not figured out already, italicized sentences/words are the characters thoughts. And Kaidan's back! :] Woooh, love him! Enjoy!**

* * *

><p>Chapter 4 Defending Love<p>

Kaidan was making his way through a crowded Citadel towards Anderson's office up at the Presidium. Ever since Horizon he had been forced into meetings with countless number of Commanding officers, Admirals, and Councilors all of whom had asked the same questions repeatedly.

'Was Shepard working for Cerberus?'

'Was Cerberus behind the attacks of the mission colonists? If not who was?'

'How did Shepard get the GUARDIAN lasers to work so fast when it took days for you to even begin to understand how to fix them?'

Questions that Kaidan could now answer in his sleep. He was tired, exhausted, and could feel his body slowly wanting to shut down completely, but he couldn't let that happen, no matter how painful it was. He had a job to do.

Kaidan was a few feet away from the elevator when he noticed his Omni tool lit up telling him there was an unread message awaiting his attention. He ignored it; right now he had pressing matters he had to attend to, like getting to the elevator before the door shut closed.

"Hold the door please!" he yelled as a hand stuck out obeying his request.

"Thanks," glancing up towards the blue Asari who simply nodded at him.

The elevator ride was a silent one. He couldn't help himself when he remembered all of those long rides in the elevator with Shepard. He always stood behind her and every once in a while he'd glance down at her 'womanly figure', and admired the view. He swore one time she had caught him staring, which only made him turn bright red. She simply let out a small laugh under her breath holding his gaze for a brief moment before turning away.

Oh how much he had missed that perfectly tanned and toned body of hers. The way her skin had felt silky smooth under his when they made love.

Shaking the memory out of his mind, he cursed at himself under his breath for even going there.

_She's working for Cerberus now and there's nothing you can do about it. Heck, she didn't even reply back to your e-mail that you sent her a couple days ago. She moved on._

He let out an overly exaggerated sigh which made the Asari give him an awkward glare. The elevator came to a halt at his stop and he practically ran out of there to escape the unnecessary glare he had been given. As he stepped outside he stood there admiring the view for a few seconds. The citadel had looked just like it had before the Sovereign attack, pristine and glowing. Interrupted by an orange flashing glow, he glanced down at his Omni tool and was rudely reminded again about the unread message.

Annoyed, he opened up the message while making his way towards his destination. He fully expected it to be some junk e-mail, but was suddenly stopped in his tracks by the rushing blunt force that sunk into his stomach. He stood there leaned against the wall practically gasping for air when he realized just who the message was from. He quickly closed his e-mail and shut off his Omni tool. He couldn't read the message, not now, not right before his private meeting with Anderson.

Realizing he was leaning pathetically against the wall, he pushed himself up. Kaidan could feel his legs begin to shake as he made his way towards the door. He tried his best to hide his emotions behind a blank façade which he had no struggle creating and stepped into Anderson's office.

"Kaidan, I am glad you could make it." Anderson motioned for him to sit down across from where he resided.

"We have been anticipating this meeting for quite some time now."

They weren't alone; Admiral Hackett had joined in on this meeting as well. This made Kaidan a little nervous.

"Admiral, Councilor." Kaidan nodded acknowledging their presents before taking a seat.

"We wanted to thank you for your patience and understanding about the constant debriefings and repetitive questions being thrown your way during your meetings. I know that must be quite unpleasant having to go through that." Admiral Hackett voiced his thanks and Kaidan simply nodded. He had no clue where this was going which made him even more nervous.

Anderson cleared his throat before speaking.

"With what you have done so far, with all of what you have put up with, we wanted to be the first ones to let you know."

Kaidan was confused, "Let me know, what sir?"

"You are being considered as a candidate for the Spectre position, Kaidan. We have been discussing this ever since your return from Horizon. You had shown excellent leadership and loyalty to the Alliance and the Council has been extremely impressed with your Advancement so far. Especially with how exceptionally fast you flew through the N7 marine program." Anderson smiled.

"We are all very proud to have you on our side Kaidan and we fully believe that you will be granted this honorable position." Admiral Hackett added.

Kaidan was speechless; he just sat there, shock splattered across his face. He didn't know what to say, he had a chance at being the galaxy's second human Spectre. His mind flooded with Shepard's face. He wondered what her reaction would have been like if she was here with him.

"Th-thank you, I am shocked. I never would have thought this would have happened to me. Wow, thank you."

Both the men glanced over at each other and let out a laugh.

"Well, I hate to be leaving so soon, but I am on a tight schedule and need to head back to my ship. Congratulations Staff Commander Alenko, best of luck to you." With that said, Hackett made his way out the door leaving Anderson and Kaidan alone.

Anderson glanced over at Kaidan and gave him a friendly smile.

"So, now that's out in the air, want a drink? I've got scotch imported directly from Earth."

"No thanks, I've been trying to stay away from alcohol lately. Considering just how bad it had gotten following Shepard's…" He couldn't finish his train of thought.

"How is she? You never stated in your report the details of your conversation you had with her. Just that she confirmed working for Cerberus."

"With. Working _with_ Cerberus." He unknowingly corrected Anderson. Why was he defending her now?

"And she seemed fine, her scar underneath her right eye was completely erased, which would make sense with the story she gave us, being rebuilt by Cerberus. But I still, I still don't trust anything she said. She could have been manipulated by them, or even worse, a fake." Kaidan had physically shuttered from the thought an imposter carrying the face of his old love, his current love.

"She seemed to me to be the real Shepard, I mean when she came to visit me…" Anderson realized what he was beginning to say and quickly shut up. He hadn't told Kaidan that he met with Shepard before Horizon. It was too late though, he could see furry flooding Kaidan's perfectly neutral complexion.

"Excuse me? Wh-what did you just say? Do you mean to tell me that you met with Shepard before sending me to Horizon and did not think to tell me about that?" Kaidan's voice was now an uproar, feeling dark energy creeping through his body, collecting around his hands in particular.

Anderson took in his posture and quickly tried calming him down, "She came here when you were already on the ship heading towards Horizon, I felt it unnecessary to let you know, I didn't know how it might have affected your focus on your mission." He paused taking in a breath before continuing, "She came here looking for you, and I knew she was working for...

"With" Kaidan rudely interrupted.

"_With _Cerberus, and I couldn't trust her just yet, I didn't really know it was her. Until she kept on trying to persuade the location out of me, she tried everything, and that's when I knew it had to be her. She never took no for an answer and when she realized that's what she was getting, she dismissed me with a hand to the air, and stalked out from my office without saying goodbye. She was fairly pissed; I was surprised she didn't use her biotics on me."

Anderson leaned against the railing looking out at the beautiful view, sighing to himself, engulfed in a far away memory before turning his attention back to Kaidan. By now he could tell that he was more relaxed, biotics still glowing but not as profusely as before. He leaned up against the conference table.

He shook his head in disbelief, "You, you could have told me. I would have been able to handle it. I mean, it would have been nice to know that she was going to be at Horizon beforehand, so I wouldn't have said the things I said to her. I could have at least… prepared." Looking down at his fidgeting hands, he remembered about the awaiting e-mail. Before he could end the conversation Anderson began to speak.

"You still…" Anderson paused, deciding against saying anymore. "I know, I should have told you, but you must understand I had to be extra cautious with her. We hadn't heard from her for two years. Who knows what she could have been up to?"

Kaidan simply nodded his head and leaned off of the table. Exactly how many people knew about his relationship with Shepard? The thought worried him a bit.

"If that's all."

Anderson quickly nodded to the soldier and saluted, letting him know he was dismissed.

Kaidan turned towards the door and made his way back to his apartment. Feeling a migraine coming he decided he'd wait until he made to his apartment to lay on his bed before reading Shepard's e-mail. His walk quickened as his patience slowly came to an end. He hadn't realized just how far his apartment was from, well from just about everything.

It was a decent apartment, nice big bedroom, walk in closet, not that he needed it, a respectable sized kitchen with all updated appliances, which he rarely ever used. And not to mention the world's comfiest sofa he ever sat in. That sofa was probably the only thing that kept him from moving to a closer complex.

He finally made his way to his apartment, opened the door and quickly made his way to the medicine cabinet stationed in the kitchen. He opened up a bottle of prescription meds and plopped one into his mouth, flushing it down with artificial orange juice. Not the kind imported from Earth, he missed the taste of real pure orange juice, it always reminded him of his home back in Vancouver.

He began to strip out of his clothes getting completely naked as he climbed into his bed under the sheets. He had grown accustomed to sleeping without clothes. Ever since Shepard's death, he often got horrible nightmares which would leave him waking up completely drenched in sweat. So he figured instead of constantly having to wash his sweaty clothes and bed sheets, he would sleep naked and only have to worry about washing his sheets.

He got comfortable and finally opened up the message. After reading it the first time, he read it another, and then another, followed by yet _another_ time. He lay there, stunned by what he was reading.

"She doesn't completely hate me." Kaidan whispered.

_No, that can't be true. She couldn't just forgive and forget everything I said just like that, I haven't even forgiven myself yet! Plus she wants to meet me here, at Dark Star Lounge, to… talk? I seriously don't deserve this. _

He quickly glanced at his clock, and the time the message was sent, and realized that she was going to be docking here in 20 minutes. That left enough time for him to take a shower, get dressed, and sprint all the way over to Dark Star Lounge to try and make it on time.

He sighed to himself, "I really need to move somewhere closer."

He quickly jumped out of bed and got ready. He stepped out of the shower, dried himself off, put on clothes, and was out of the apartment in less than 10 minutes. But that still wasn't quick enough; he was going to be late.

* * *

><p>"So what exactly are you going to say to him?"<p>

Shepard leaned against the wall taking in the pilot's question. She honestly had no clue what she was going to say to him, all she knew was that she needed to clear things up between the two, and the only way to do that was in person. Just like what Chakwas told her.

"I, I don't know," she mustered out.

"Hah, awesome, not only are you giving him a second chance, but you also have _no_ clue what you're going to say to him! It doesn't sound like your conversation will go well, Shepard."

"No, it has to, I won't let it otherwise. I am in control here, and I will know what to say when I am with him. By the way, I need to have a chat with EDI about letting you bypass my security to the cameras stationed in my room." She stood tall looking down upon him with a stern glare, making Joker just a tad bit nervous.

"I don't think that is necessary commander," EDI began to speak, "I have reinforced the firewalls to your rooms security along with triple checking the new code to make sure he won't be able to bypass the locks."

Shepard silently thanked the AI, when she noticed a couple of the crew members walking towards her to make their way out of the Normandy so they could begin enjoying their shore leave. Garrus was the first to make it to her.

"Shepard, I have been thinking, and if you need me to come with you, you know stand by just in case something happens with you and Alenko…" Shepard interrupted before he could finish his proposal.

"No, that will be unnecessary. And besides, don't you have a date tonight with a special someone?" She nudged the stiff Turian adding a wink at the end of her question. Joker on the other hand began to laugh obnoxiously sputtering incomprehensible words in between his laughter.

"I, I better get going." He quickly turned around embarrassed by the slight teasing and laughing he received from Shepard and Joker.

"Wow! I've never seen him so, emotional before. First blushing, now embarrassment, he must really like Kelly, or something!" Shepard shot a glance towards Joker as she awaited his reply.

"Yea, or something."

A few other crew members walked past the two. Shepard nodded to some, returned salutes to others, and embraced her close comrades. Finally, in what seemed like forever, the last of her crew came shuffling up the stairs and down the hallway up towards where Shepard awaited, Doctor Chakwas.

The commander gave her the warmest smile she could muster out before giving her a long embrace.

"Chakwas, I have a lot to thank you for. You made me realize that people are worth giving second chances to. You have been there throughout a lot of my emotional baggage and I appreciate everything you have done for me. Especially sticking it out with Cerberus," She gave her a smile before continuing, "If I have time after my personal matters are attended to, we should go out for drinks and dinner. We can share more personal stories, this time funny ones though."

Chakwas grinned at Shepard; it was the biggest smile she ever saw from the Doctor. It practically lit up the room. "Oh Shepard, you don't have to thank me for anything. I was simply helping out someone dear to me, a daughter." It looked as though tears were forming in her eyes, "And oh, I'd really enjoy that. Maybe Joker can join us as well?"

"As much as I would love reminiscing about the past with you two, I've got some plans of my own, with… Jack."

"Now that, I wasn't expecting!" Both the doctor and Shepard spewed out in unison. They glanced at each other before busting out in laughter.

"Hah, ha, laugh it up you two. But ill have you know, I am starting to really like her. She's, she's different." A smile formed across his face before grabbing his crutches and making his way towards the exit. Chakwas followed after grabbing her bag and tossing it over her shoulder. Shepard lingered back a few moments, making sure everything was running smoothly and EDI had the ship in lockdown, for fear of tamperment by Alliance soldiers. After all, they still didn't trust her. Everything seemed to be in working order and she decided her presents was no longer needed on the ship and made her way out.

As soon as the elevator opened up she glanced down at her Omni tool while exiting, 5 minutes late, shit.

It would take another 5 to 10 minutes to maneuver around the busy crowd. There was no telling whether he'd show up, he didn't send her an e-mail saying he would be there so she really had no clue. She only had hope; hope that he still had some lingering feelings for her, enough to make an effort to hear her out.

She shoved past an Asari and Krogan couple, hearing shouts of crude comments yelled her way. She didn't care; the only thing on her mind was getting to Dark Star Lounge to see Kaidan.

She saw her destination creep around the corner. She slowed her pace and smoothed loose strands of hair out of her face before walking through the doors into the bar.

She searched everywhere for him, glanced in every corner. Even went looking in the men's restroom before deciding she really had to go pee. She began making her way towards the ladies restroom when she saw him.

He was wearing a form fitting Black v-neck shirt, no armor, with a black zip up hoodie that he had with him from Vancouver. She remembered, because she commented on how it didn't fit in with the outer space style back on the SR1. She loved the way he looked in his Earth clothes, so handsomely sexy. She also noticed that he'd gotten bigger, more muscular. She didn't notice back on Horizon because of the armor shielding, but now without it, and him standing in front of her. Oh, it was going to be hard to resist her tempting thoughts.

She realized she was just standing there staring at him with her mouth slightly open. She closed it quickly and made her way down towards him.


	6. Confused Acceptance

**Sorry for the long delay, I had major writers block. Fortunate for me and for you guys I overcame that, and I am uploading two chapters. :]**

**Thanks for all of the alerts and reviews, as always much appreciated! Enjoy!**

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><p>Chapter 6: Confused Acceptance<p>

When he first saw her standing in front of the ladies restroom door, his heart sank. She looked utterly gorgeous in her white v-neck t-shirt, which was a little see through. She wasn't wearing a bra… she wasn't wearing a bra. He quickly shook that observation out of his head before taking the rest of her in. Her hair had gotten really long. On Horizon it was neatly pulled back in a bun, so he didn't see the length, but it was beautiful.

She began approaching him slowly, as he noticed her taking him in. He tried relaxing but he couldn't, he remained stiff for his own protection. No matter how stunning she looked, he still couldn't trust her. Not for right now at least.

"Hi," She said, giving him that half smile he loved and missed so much.

"Shepard." His voice was harsher than what he wanted it to come out as, "Shall we sit down?"

"Yes, somewhere relatively quiet and private preferably." She picked the wrong place for that. There were people in almost every corner. Except for one, it was a bit secluded away from the main bar table and dance floor, but it was open, making it public enough. "There." She pointed to the abandoned corner and took the lead, as always.

They sat down across from each other, an Asari waitress came by and asked if they wanted anything, both shaking their heads no and she politely walked away.

Kaidan never took his eyes off of her. He watched her like a hawk, analyzing every twitch, every movement comparing it to the Shepard he knew. Trying to seek out the flaws that might signal her being a fake, he didn't find any. Finally the silence was broken.

"I am really glad you made it." She glanced directly into my eyes. "I was afraid that you didn't want anything to do with me and weren't going to show up."

"I wanted to hear what you had to say." Was all Kaidan said in return. He noticed her becoming slightly tense as she thought about the best way to begin her explanation.

"Okay, well where to begin?" Her voice rose at the end of her statement signaling it as a question, but she continued talking right after. "I remember the Council and Alliance both sending the SR1 to go hunt for Geth out in the terminus system. We weren't coming across anything significant; when out of the blue a massive ship comes around and begins firing upon us. Almost as if it was expecting us to be there in that precise moment in time, like it was planned out. Anyways, I remember standing at a consol using a fire extinguisher before you ran up behind me. I order you to get off the ship into the evac shuttles before the ship was destroyed." She took in a deep breath before continuing, glancing down at her now nervous hands. I saw how vulnerable she looked, how lost and hopeless.

"You of course, being you, refused to leave without me and me being, well me, ordered you to get your ass off my ship. You obliged. I tried getting Joker into the last shuttle but he refused to abandon his 'baby' I practically had to drag his body away from the consol as I pushed him into the shuttle. Just as I was about to step in, the ship came around for another attack, stupidly I glanced back and was almost spaced from the blast, but not before I managed to hit the release button."

As she was explaining this part of the story I couldn't help but feel anger directed towards Joker. If only he would have gotten off his pathetic ass and listened to Shepard's orders, none of this would have happened. This conversation wouldn't be taking place. My doubts my threats never heard, never said. He sighed as she continued.

"I was spaced. I tried _extremely_ hard not to panic, but that didn't go well. I began to notice my oxygen tank was spewing the precious gas that I needed to survive. I tried so hard to reach over and clamp the tube, but I couldn't reach it. As much as I tried, I couldn't." She paused, looking deeply into my eyes, lovingly before continuing, "The last thing I remember thinking was how much I was going to miss you… Your smile, your hair, your warmth, your, lips…" Her voice cracked towards the end as tears began to form in her eyes. I wanted to desperately reach out and hold her, but I stopped myself.

_She's working for the enemy, for Cerberus._

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><p>She realized that she never told anyone about her last waking moments before her death. She didn't want to accept the fact that she <em>had<em> died.

"That still doesn't explain how Cerberus just conveniently came across your body and began to 'restore' you. Or so you said."

She slightly flinched at the Coldness in his voice. She couldn't help but begin to think that this was a mistake.

"I personally don't know how or where they found my body, no one has told me that part yet. The thing that they did show me was something called The Lazarus Project. It was monitored and run by someone named Miranda Lawson; she's now one of my crew members that fights alongside me. She was ordered by the Illusive Man to restore me _exactly_ how I was before, and if there were any signs I was going to turn out different, they were to terminate the project and move on."

Kaidan stiffened at the last part I said. His arms were firmly crossed over his chest as he leaned back into his chair, staring intently at me waiting for me to continue. I took a deep breath, and really wished I ordered water or something. I could feel my throat begin to tighten slightly.

"I have a file on my Omni tool that I can give to you. It may disprove any wild speculations as to how I was brought back to life or where I have been. It has video and audio footage along with Miranda's constant updates on my status. All valuable information, if you want it, that is."

He unwound his arms, slowly placing them on the table inches away from my hand. A rush of heat ran through my body. Wanting desperately to reach out and _feel_ him again.

"I, I think that would be, useful information." His face held no emotion; he had his all too famous façade on. The one that took a long time for me to break down the first time around. I wonder how long it will take now.

I nodded and sent over the file from my Omni to his. And quickly he began to transfer the information to Anderson, before placing his complete attention back on me.

"Do you have anything to say before I continue any further?"

He sat there debating whether or not to say anything, finally he spoke. His voice was clear as ever.

"One thing… why, why after all those days of being alive, did you not contact me, you didn't even bother telling me you were alive again? All that time, and I thought you were dead, _dead_ Shepard. Do you know what I went through?" He paused. He couldn't continue any further. It looked as though he was trying to control his anger, I could clearly hear the hum of his biotics charging up. I felt a sensation rush down my arm, something that I only felt when he was on the verge of breaking down. This slightly frightened me.

"I TRIED! The first thing on my mind when I woke up on the facility was you; the first word uttered was your name, _your name._ I thought I had lost you. I thought I'd never see you again. I went to Anderson, asked where you were and he completely stonewalled me. I tried very hard to persuade it out of him, but he wouldn't budge, so I just got up and left. No one, no one at all seemed like they wanted to tell me where you were. The Illusive Man was a pain in the ass. I gave him a piece of my mind, but that didn't make him budge either." I paused.

"Kaidan, you have to believe me, _I did try_!"

"Not hard enough."

I was taken aback by this, furious. Was he purposefully _not_ listening to what I was saying? Was he really convinced I didn't try looking for him? Him, the only man I truly trust, the only man I'd ever fallen for. Tears started forming in my eyes as I bid them to go away. They disobeyed my mental orders and slid down my cheek one after the other.

When out of nowhere his hand flew up to my face and gently whipped them off. His hand rested there cupping my cheeks, I leaned into it closing my eyes, missing his touch. Taking in his scent, but just like that he pulled away. I looked at his face, which by now was glancing down at the table, away from my eyes. He managed to let out a heavy sigh before looking up again.

"Shepard, Angela, I don't think. I don't, I just don't know what to think anymore. My heart is saying it's really you, but my mind is fighting it, telling me it _can't_ be you, you died, Joker watched you die. And as far as I'm concerned resurrections can't happen, it's impossible!" Another sigh, this time I didn't hesitate I couldn't hold back, seeing him so hurt made me feel horrible, I just had to prove it was me. I grabbed his face and kissed him.

He didn't back away; instead he leaned into me taking as much as he could. His breath floated into my mouth, tasting his sweat peppermint mouthwash he used. I slipped my tongue into his mouth as he griped my face a bit tighter pulling me closer to him clearly wanting more, but yet again, he stopped abruptly and let go of me. He began to stand up from his chair and slowly started walking away from me.

I sat there completely stunned, before I realized he was walking away. I chased after him.

"Kaidan, wait! Stop, please!"

He spun around quickly stalking towards me anger and pain plastered across his face.

"You, you can't just do that Angela! You can't…"

He used my first name for the second time in one day. I hadn't heard anyone call me by that name since my last visit at the Citadel prior to my death.

"I, I'm sorry?"

"No! You don't understand what that does to me! It, it hurts, it kills me, because I know I am falling back in love with you. As angry as I try to be, as much as I try to tell myself you aren't real, that Cerberus just _created_ you, it just sounds even more absurd! I know, I see that it's you standing in front of me. But knowing that and the mission that you have been placed on and what you're going up against…" He paused. I finished.

"You can't see me… Not until the mission is over, done with." My voice trailed off into a whisper.

He closed the spaced between us and placed both hands on either side of my face. Tears began running down his face as he stared intently into my eyes. "I-I love you too much Shepard. Way too much, it's unhealthy really." I let out a small laugh, so did he. Then we kissed for the second time tonight.

This time it was more desperate, saddened, like we weren't going to have this moment ever again.

When he broke free he leaned his forehead onto mine. His eyes closed, just taking it all in, taking me in.

"This doesn't have to be goodbye…" I had to try, after all if this was goodbye, I would have way too much time to myself, and who knows what I would do. "I have two days…"

I bit my lower lip in a suggesting manner. He pulled me in tight against his body nudging his waist forcefully into mine. I took this as an acceptance to my invitation. I interlaced my fingers into his, and lightly placed a kiss on his lips.

"I hear you have an apartment on the Citadel." I whispered against his lips.

"I hear you have an empty ship with lots of places we can… explore." His voice came out extremely deep and husky and I just squealed with unnerving excitement as I immediately led him out of Dark Star Lounge and towards the Normandy. He chuckled at my girlish squeal and followed eagerly.

Never fully expecting this to happen, but I accepted it with open arms.


	7. Silent Darkness

Chapter 7: Silent Darkness

"Commander, Comman…" Shepard's hearing and vision slowly reappeared, and then would fade back into the darkness. She was gradually awakening from being unconscious. She would catch glimpses of more than one person standing in front of her, but before she could recognize anyone the image would get blurry and then turn dark. Finally doctor Chakwas stabbed her shoulder muscle with a shot of adrenaline which initially would counteract the symptoms she was having, and wake her up instantly.

"Commander, Shepard, can you hear me? Do you know who I am?" Chakwas was hovering over Shepard's weak body. She tried to nod her head to let her know she understood, but as hard as she would try nothing came about. Her eyes began to water as she realized she was not even able to speak a word either.

The lack of response frightened the doctor. She could see in Shepard's eyes that she wanted so badly to move a finger, nod her head in response but nothing abided. "Alright, let's try something simpler. If you can understand me, move your eyes up and down." She complied.

"Good, now I am going to slowly help you get up. If anything hurts, just move your eyes up and down." She motioned Jacob over; he quickly came to Shepard's side and knelt down. "Easy Jacob, we don't know if she has any broken bones just yet, and we can't risk her getting paralyzed."

"I understand Doctor, just give the count and I'll slowly lift."

She nodded to his statement and began counting to three. The both of them slowly lifted up Shepard's weak body. Her limbs fell to her side as they lifted her completely off the ground. It was as if she had no control, like she lost basic motor movement capability. Inside her mind there were a million questions circling. And none of them could be answered, not until she could talk. But her lack of movement frightened her the most. She tried lifting her arms, legs, head, finger, anything really but nothing would obey her mental orders. She felt her eyes become overwhelmed with tears.

"What can you tell us about her condition, Chakwas is there anything we can get her?" Miranda's voice was filled with concern, this surprised Shepard.

"Until I get more information from Shepard, I'm afraid at this moment I don't know anything. I'll have to examine her body more closely, and without knowing if she's in pain whenever we lift her up is initially setting us back. I need to get her down to my office where all of my equipment is stationed, and that poses as a challenge."

"I'm sure the ship has a gurney somewhere. Jacob come help me search for one!"

"No! We have already moved her enough; I am not taking the chance of placing her in a situation that can pose possible injury."

"Then what exactly do you suggest we do?" Garrus was slumped against the wall by Shepard's desk. His voice barely filled the room; it was low and hoarse plastered with pain and regret. If he just, was with her the whole night, she wouldn't have been in this situation. She would have been safe, talking, and moving. He couldn't help but feel guilty.

"I-I'm not sure. Jacob, will you please watch over her while I get supplies from my office, if she so much as grunts in pain come get me first thing!" He nodded to the doctor as she swiftly exited Shepard's cabin.

"EDI, have you, Tali, or Legion come up with anything from the camera feeds?" Miranda stood by the fish tank facing the now glowing blue hologram.

"We have begun to decrypt some of the video files that were blocked from the Normandy's system, but nothing important has yet to show up. So far we have gotten a few segments of Shepard showing the ship to Kaidan."

"Good, keep working at it. I'm just glad Legion could salvage you back to pieces, without you I think we'd be stuck at square one."

"Yes, I am very thankful for Legions commodity. Logging you out Miranda."

After the blue hologram disappeared the sound of the elevator slowly creaked up and Jack came rushing into the room. Everyone quickly turned to face her, hoping to receive some good news. Her face was flushed red from what seemed like a result from sprinting, along with using some biotic assisted powers. She held her hand up before anyone could speak and pressure some answers out of her. She leaned up against the wall to try and catch her breath. Once she slowed her breathing enough to be comprehended, she shared her information.

"I searched everywhere, asked Anderson, even asked the Council, but nothing. No one has seen him for the past 12 hours. He's gone, completely vanished, without so much as leaving behind a trail." She paused for a moment took in a sharp breath, and continued. "But there is one person who I think we can turn to for some viable information."

"The only problem, she's not on the Citadel." Garrus knew exactly who Jack was talking about.

"Liara." Miranda voiced her name just barely above a whisper, loud enough for the people close to her to hear.

During all of this locomotion, the crew failed to notice the movement that was coming from Shepard's fingers and toes. The adrenaline finally began to kick in and counteract whatever was in her system. She slowly wiggled her fingers and toes up and down, her symptoms reminded her of being placed under staisis, but rather an invisible more advanced one. Something more contorted to focus all of its energy in blocking all functions besides thought. It wasn't until Shepard let a noise slip out of her lips that everyone rushed over to make sure she was okay.

"Shepard, it's me Jacob. Can you hear me? Do you understand what I am saying?" He hovered over her like a protective brother, pushing aside everyone reminding them that she needed her space. She didn't reply at first, which made everyone nervous.

"Wh… wh-aaah….. waat..ehrr." She tried so hard to pronounce the word with excellence, but her throat ached with un-denying pain, one that she could not force to abide. Instead the pain struck her core and emanated. She desperately needed a glass of water. Her body was aching for one, and every minute spent awake was focused around the thought of the cool liquid flowing down her throat, soothing every dry and burning tissue.

Doctor Chakwas entered the room carrying her equipment. She noticed that Shepard was sitting up and quickly dropped her stuff and rushed over to her side. She promptly grabbed a glass of water located on the bedside table and aided the poor child in drinking. It was hard for her to watch Shepard in such a poor state. It was almost as if she was a physical therapist re-teaching someone how to walk again, but instead she was re-teaching everything. The thought frightened her as she pushed it aside.

"Sweetey, Shepard, how are you feeling?"

"I… ehrm…" She paused to clear her throat. Taking a big gulp of the water seemed to help improve her voice. She could muster words out more steadily. "I am, aching. Everywhere. I-I… I don't know… huh, I don't, know…" She began to tear up. Shepard realized that she could not recall what exactly had happened aboard the Normandy. One tear after the other began to rush down her cheeks. The mere thought of not knowing what could have happened to Kaidan made her sick to her stomach, sick enough to…

"Oh god!" Chakwas jumped back right in time to avoid the vomit shooting out of Shepard's mouth. She quickly grabbed a bucket that was placed aside and set it resting on her chest.

"This can only be a good sign. Your body's beginning to reject whatever was injected or placed into your system. Without most of it in you, we'll be able to begin deciphering what could have happened with you and Kaidan's disappearance." She placed a caring hand upon Shepard's and squeezed it gently. "You should drink up on water. In the mean time I need to begin to set up the equipment. Will someone please clean up this vomit from the ground?"

Miranda stood aside carefully analyzing Shepard's condition, while thinking about what could have happened to Staff Commander Alenko. As much as she despised the Cerberus hating Alliance soldier, she needed to find him in order to get Shepard back into a viable condition for the upcoming threat. A threat that would not wait until Shepard was 100 percent okay. She decided that maybe resorting to the Illusive Man's help would be of some use. She made her way out of the cabin and down to her private quarters.

Garrus on the other hand was already by the commander's side. He sat there holding her hand gently whispering his apologies. She simply nodded and explained that it wasn't his fault; no one could have known that she would have been drugged. He accepted this lightly, and got up to leave her side. He figured that he would head over to his contact from C-Sec and see if he could dish out some information regarding Kaidan. He asked Jack if she wanted to come along, she obliged willingly. Jack hated seeing the commander in her current state, so weak and fragile.

As everyone intently focused at their objectives at hand, they did not notice that Mordin had yet to come back from his shore leave. Everyone was so caught up in trying to figure out what happened to both Shepard and Kaidan that the one person who could pose as immense help was neglected. It was only until he wandered in sheepishly that Chakwas realized what she had forgotten, Mordin Solus. He was her most viable key, one that could be used to begin deciphering the puzzle.

"Oh, Mordin! Where have you been? I could really use your help, come give me a hand?" The doctor looked toward Mordin, and realized that he did not know what had happened to the commander. As soon as he took in the scene confusion quickly masked his features. It looked as though he immediately began to analyze possible scenarios that could have caused the ruckus. Before he could get into deep analysis the doctor rushed over towards him and explained everything that she knew.

"It could be a protist, fungi. No. Bacterium, has to be Bacterium. Endospore? Possibly…"

"Mordin, please don't stress yourself right away. If you could take a look at Shepard, maybe there are some specific symptoms that stand out to you, something strange, or is only associated with a certain contagion."

"Yes, that is a viable start. Where is the commander?"

"Just over here, this way." Doctor Chakwas led Mordin to Shepard. She hoped that Mordin's experience with the genophage and countless other biological experiments could pose as some help in discovering what exactly was injected or given to Shepard that could cause such strange symptoms. This was mind boggling for the Doctor. She was fairly excited to work with the scientist, but not for this reason. She'd hope that she would be working with him for something less, personal, but rather more for research purposes.

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><p>Garrus pushed his way through two Krogan that were inconveniently in his way. He ignored the loud grumbles that came out of their mouths; he was in a rush to get to C-Sec head quarters. Jack fell behind and diverted to a different path as soon as they got out of the docking bay elevator. She claimed that she knew a few people who might know some valuable information and that these people don't fuck around. Garrus didn't mind her diverting off; he knew that she could fend for herself just fine. He had a great deal of respect for Jack, whether he wanted to admit to it or not. Something about her intrigued Garrus.<p>

He finally made it to the C-Sec headquarters. He made his way through the doors past the lady in the front desk.

"Oh great." Garrus let out an exasperated sigh; he forgot about the untimely wait before being allowed into the actual office.

"Moring sir, please if you could wait here while we do a scan." The Turian officer politely asked. "Sorry for the inconvenience. Our system seems to be running slow this morning."

Garrus just gave him an awkward Turian smile. A few moments of quiet silence pass.

"Oh, a former C-Sec officer, Garrus Vakarian, great to see you coming back for a visit; Officer Bailey is to the right of the door, if you have any questions. Thanks again for your visit!"

Garrus grumbled to himself, _that wasn't as bad as I thought it would be._ He entered through the door and went straight to Bailey for some answers.

"Garrus. What brings you to this side of the Citadel?"

Garrus stood squared in front of Baileys desk, eyeing him suspiciously before approaching with his question. "I have a certain situation, one that needs to be kept private. Is that clear? No one is to be alarmed that doesn't need alarming."

Baileys face brightened up a bit, before resuming to his gloom. "Yeah, I getcha. What is it that you're looking for?"

"I am looking for someone, or some information leading to their recovery. He's been missing for about, 15 hours. And no one seems to have any viable information." He paused a bit before continuing. "It's not like him to just disappear. I need to check all security cameras stationed around the citadel…"

"Wait, wait, wait. Before you jump into this, I need to know who you are searching for, maybe we have been looking for this person as well."

Garrus stood there, facial expression tough, blank, and empty. He then finally responded. "Kaidan Alenko. Last I knew he was on the Normandy with Commander Shepard."

Baileys face darkened as soon as he heard who he was looking for. This made Garrus fairly nervous. He didn't like seeing a former soldier face darken at the mentioning of a name.

"I want you to take a look at this footage."

Garrus stepped forward towards the Officer and leaned over his shoulder looking at his screen.

"What the hell?" His face went instantly cold as he watched the video.

"Counselor Anderson, informed me of the situation and we were all told to immediately check the Camera footage for any leads or evidence. We have four different camera angles, all of which show exactly the same thing. I didn't believe it when I saw it either Garrus. I-I don't know what to tell you…"

"Did you show this footage to Anderson?"

"Yes, we sent it just before you arrived here. I think it'd be best if you went there and had a chat with him."

"Yea, I think I agree. Thanks Bailey, make sure to send the Normandy a copy."

"Will do."

With that Garrus sprinted with his life to Anderson's office.

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><p>"Anderson, we found something interesting in the footages we were analyzing. It may explain the disappearance." Bailey addressed Counselor Anderson through a comm link. "I am sending the files your way."<p>

Anderson paced nervously back and forth in front of his screen. Losing his best soldier and quite possibly the next Spectre was not going to look good on his part.

"I've got it, now what am I looking for?"

"Oh, I think you won't be able to miss it, Sir."

Distant noise came through the comm, and Bailey knew he was watching the footage. The noise that filled the room in Anderson's office made chills run up and down his spine. He couldn't believe what he was seeing. How could this happen on the citadel, of all places. This was serious, huge, and if it leaked out, then there would be some serious implications.

"What, what is that? They look like… I don't know what they look like… And that noise." The footage ended, and Anderson stood there, frozen in shock. "Does anyone else have a copy of this footage?"

"No Si… Garrus Vakarian…" The comm link was shut closed. Anderson knew that Garrus would be coming down here as soon as he'd see the footage, which gave him a few minutes to compose himself. The utter disbelief from seeing what he saw left him shaken up a bit.

Gradually he began to grasp some composure as he walked towards the coffee pot. He had been awake far too long since the news of Kaidan's disappearance. Now this just sent his exhaustion overboard. He couldn't help but wonder how Kaidan was at this moment. He knew he was a tough soldier, but would that be enough?

He quickly shook the thought away before he completely succumbed to exhaustion. He gradually took a sip of his coffee as he made his way over to the ledge facing the Presidium. He glanced into the beauty of the Citadel; he couldn't help but think back to the memory of this place burning. Seeing pieces of Sovereign scattered across the area, diminishing its beauty. But now, seeing how pristine the placed looked, no one would have ever been able to guess something like that happened. He couldn't believe that the threat of Sovereign and the collectors has been flushed underneath a rug by the council. Seeing the footage just confirmed what Shepard has been brought back to life to fight against. Surely if he showed the footage to the Council they'd have to believe her now, but he would dare do that without the consent of Shepard. He had too much respect for her.

His thought was cut short when he heard the door swish open from behind. He glanced behind him and saw a panting Turian leaned over his legs trying to catch his breath. Garrus looked into Anderson's eyes and saw his exact emotions mirrored within. Terror, disbelief, regret, mostly because they did not know what could be happening to Kaidan at this very moment.

"Anderson, what are we going to do? He's been gone for almost 20 hours, and we have no clue where he could be by now," he paused taking in a breath, "How could this have happened? How could they slip by our security unnoticed Anderson? I thought this placed got rewired with tighter security?"

Anderson stood there speechless, feeling the full wrath of Garrus's frustration, and feeling the same within. "I-I don't know Garrus. C-Sec is working on figuring out what happened. I've held off telling the Council until Shepard comes around. How is she feeling? Any better?"

"Having C-Sec on it is not enough Anderson. You and I _both_ know that…." Anderson shuffled on his feet and nodded his head in agreement. "As of Shepard, she's doing better, last I saw her, she was moving and talking."

"Does she remember anything?"

"I don't know, I didn't stick around long enough to ask her questions. I couldn't stand the sight of her that way. I had to leave."

"I understand. I need to meet with her in person, show her the footage. Maybe it will help bring her memory back."

Garrus nodded and turn around opening the door and waited until Anderson walked through. They walked bristly side by side until they reached the Normandy. The walk felt like forever, there was a noticeably awkward tension between the two. They both wanted to start running, but they knew people around them would see this as odd and considering the stature Anderson carried they both settled on the brisk walking.


	8. Fighting the Fight

__**Sorry for the extremely late update (Mainly because I was distracted by the final Mass Effect game, which was awesome! up until the last 20 minutes of it, naturally, and that's all I am going to say about that)... So, I made this chapter extra long just to make up for it. :] **

**Hope you enjoy!**

* * *

><p><em>Chapter 8<em>

_Why can't I remember a thing? Only bits and pieces come along with flashes that rush through my head, but absolutely nothing solid. _

"Ugh!"

Visibly frustrated, Shepard shifted to her side as she lay on the bed awaiting further orders from Chakwas and Mordin. They were slowly retrieving new plausible answers to the medical mystery, but like Shepard, nothing solid.

_And where was Kaidan? What happened to him? One minute I am standing close to him, close enough to feel his warmth emanating from his skin, and the next moment I awake barely alive._

"Hey EDI, any new information regarding Kaidan?" Shepard's voice came out coarser than she expected. She desperately needed more water.

"I have been informed to let you know that Councilor Anderson is boarding your ship as we speak, it seems to my knowledge that he has new information about Kaidan's possible whereabouts."

"That is good news, thanks EDI."

"Of course."

As soon as the com shut off, Shepard slowly pushed herself up into a sitting position. She gradually swung her feet along the edge of the bed until they touched the ground. The cool sensation of the Normandy's floor sent tingles up Shepard's spine; she gave off a little shiver before completely standing up. Slowly she walked over to her closet and put on a robe.

"Woah! Shepard, what are you doing walking around? I explicitly said no getting up without my helping you!" Chakwas looked over at the Commander with extreme concern.

"I can't walk two feet to put on a robe by myself? I am fine Chakwas." She brushed the doctor aside as she made her way to the couch. "So what do you got for me? Anything interesting?"

Mordin paused for a moment stopping everything he was doing and looked up at the commander.

"Yes!"

Shepard's face brightened up a bit. "Well, what's the diagnosis doc? What caused this?"

Just as Mordin was about to answer the Commanders question, the door to her cabin swooshed open reveling Anderson and Garrus. Garrus slowly made his way to the couch and stood beside it, arms crossed. He glanced towards Shepard and gave her a small smile just before returning his gaze to the ground. He seemed nervous, off beat almost.

Anderson shifted on his feet, as he lifted his gaze towards Garrus. His face asked him silently if he wanted to be the one to tell the Commander the harsh news. The Councilor simply nodded his head once and proceeded.

_This does not look good at all. I know that hesitation…_

"Shepard, it's good to see you've been up and moving. From what I hear, you weren't in a good state a few hours ago."

"I guess Cerberus's implants did me justice." She replied sheepishly.

"Indeed they did." Anderson felt a rock forming in his throat; he ignored it and pushed forward. "Listen Shepard, what I am about to show you will be tough and can possibly be terrifying for you. If you do not feel up to watching it, let me know right now."

"Terrifying? What could possibly terrify me? I've seen just about everything terror has to offer." She motioned him to sit by her on the couch, accepting terrors invitation without the slightest bit of hesitation.

"I wouldn't say that, Shepard." Garrus's eyes floated to the Commanders before drifting towards Kaidan's photo that resided on her desk.

_Just take a deep breath, and relax, I'm sure it's nothing, they must be overreacting... I hope._

Shepard nodded to Anderson and he took out the data pad with the footage. As the video played, her face darkened, she could feel the rage within her start to build up. Her biotics began to click as her hands turned a light baby blue, the sign of the beginning of her transformation to full biotic adrenalin. She could feel the ripples of adrenalin rushing through her body slowly.

The video feed zoomed into Kaidan's face. Shepard saw something that she rarely was ever exposed to, even when she was close to Kaidan, terror. Pure one hundred percent terror of the unknown, of what was going to happen to him.

She couldn't watch any longer. Shepard turned her head to her side and closed her now watery eyes. She quickly got up from the couch and paced alongside the fish tank.

"How, how can I not remember any of this? How could I just…"

She paused; she glanced down at her hands and noticed that they were trembling. She could feel her face heating up from the frustration and anger. The commander could not take it any longer. She quickly made her way towards the dressing room shoving past Garrus. Within seconds she came out in her full combat armor. Ignoring the yelling coming from Chakwas along with Mordin, she stomped into the elevator.

Anderson ran after her, Garrus was preoccupied with holding back the two scientists; he knew what she had to do.

"Shepard, what are you doing are you insane? You heard the doctor; you are not fit to be running around right now. You need to be resting."

Shepard's biotics were on full blast by now. She could feel her adrenaline quickly seething through her muscles. She needed to calm down quick before something bad happened, but she couldn't find the strength to. The mere thought of what could be happening with Kaidan was fueling her anger and frustration.

"Don't tell me I need to be resting right after you show me a video of Kaidan being kidnapped by the very people I was brought back to kill! How dare you Anderson!"

"Shepard, I am only concerned about your well-being. Let me handle whatever you want done!"

"No, my presents will be needed for this one. Call the council up for a meeting; they need to see this footage. Then maybe they will see the threat I have been fighting against for the past 3 years and finally do something about it."

Anderson stared into Shepard's eyes and could only see vengeance within them. He had an inkling of what occurred between the Commander and Lieutenant but he just avoided the complete truth. Now that he knew how serious it was for her, he fully accepted her request.

He nodded his head before replying. "I understand Shepard, I understand. I am calling up the meeting now. Let's hope that something actually gets done this time."

* * *

><p>"You cannot expect us to actually believe that what's on this footage is really true!" The Turian councilor shuffled on his feet.<p>

"And how could you not believe what you are seeing with your own eyes? The facts are there, this is legitimate footage taken from the Citadel security camera feeds. So do not stand there and think that this footage was forged."

"Commander Shepard is right; the footage shows that one of the Alliance soldiers was taken by these… creatures right from the Citadel." The Asari responded. Her face carried worry, worry that was directly correlated to how an unknown race could arrive to the Citadel undetected.

"You cannot be seriously siding with a traitor can you? She's with Cerberus now! This could be a hoax set up by them!"

Shepard paced side to side in front of the holograms, clearly frustrated by the Turian councilor and his blindsided view, along with the fact that the councilors were not actually present during this meeting.

"How can you stand there and accuse Cerberus for kidnapping someone they have no ultimate interest in! That's a ridiculous accusation Councilor!"

"Shepard has a point; Cerberus would not go out of their way to create such havoc for what, a former lieutenant of Commander Shepard's squad team? It doesn't make any sense to accuse them for the actions within the footage." Anderson dutifully sided with Shepard.

"Let's cut the bullshit and get down to some real business. I did not ask Anderson to call this meeting for bureaucratic crap. I wanted to show you the hard evidence that you needed 2 years ago before my death. My death that was caused by these very creatures! If this footage is not enough evidence to receive aid from the Council, then I honestly do not know what will be enough."

Shepard by now was standing beside the table for some support. Realizing just how taxing it was arguing with the councilors. She took in a deep breath before continuing.

"All I am asking for, is acknowledgement from your behalf that you see that these Collectors are a real threat to humanity and every other race out in the galactic system. I want to know that you believe me. Along with some aid in helping retrieve someone very important that was taken away from me."

Silence filled the room. There was no response for a while. The councilors glanced over at each other and exited from Shepard and Anderson's view. They were standing aside far enough so their projections were not to be seen. Shepard shifted from side to side; she could feel her nerves tingling within her body. She could not wait any longer; she needed to know what their verdict was. Anderson walked over and placed a reassuring hand upon Shepard's shoulder and squeezed. She smiled lightly and let out a painful sigh.

The councilors returned, no emotion crossed their faces. The Salarian spoke for the first time during the meeting.

"Shepard, we have a few questions for you that we need to be answered before we reach our final decision."

"Fine, ask away." The Commander was obviously frustrated by the delay.

"We have a concern with your memory loss, and knowing what actually occurred on the Normandy at the time of the 'kidnapping'.

"We are worried that it may pose as a weakness for you, not knowing exactly what you are getting yourself into. And now that we have you back alive, we do not want to risk losing such a potentially valuable asset to our team of SPECTRE's yet again." The Asari addressed.

"Hah! Is that what you are concerned about? Losing a 'potentially valuable asset'? That is ridiculous!"

"Regardless of what we think about the potential loss, we want to know what is hidden in your memories before we accept you leaving on this mission."

_This is honestly a waste of my time, why did I even bother?_

Shepard took in a deep breath, exhaled, and replied in the calmest of fashions.

"My, _memories_ have not yet returned and I have no way of knowing if they will. Regardless, I cannot sit here waiting for them to come back, when I know that there is a man out there in need of dire assistance, he is a damn fine soldier and has amazing potential. So if you are so concerned about losing a potentially valuable asset, it's not me you should be worried about, it's him. Staff Commander Kaidan Alenko. He is the one that all of your concern and debate should be about, not whether I will make it out alive, or the memories that are not there. You need to open your eyes, and see the threat that was thrown in your own home! You need to let me do this; you _have_ to let me get him back."

Shepard was leaning against the large table, she pulled out a chair, contemplated whether to sit down. Instead she slide the chair forcibly back into the table. Tears started to form in her eyes; with her back to the councilors she spoke for the first time knowing what she needed to say.

"I cannot sit here and contemplate whether it is safe to go. I will not… you three have to understand this… I _love_ the man that they took. I have from the beginning. And I refuse to do nothing. So regardless if I get your blessing and aid, I _will_ go out there and risk my life, my crew's life, and the Normandy to save this one man. Because in the end, I know it will be worth the risk."

Anderson stood there starring at Shepard's back in complete awe. He couldn't believe that she just technically confessed to fraternization. All the questions the councilors had for Kaidan, and all of the denials he gave were just now in that moment, falsified. He shook that thought out of his head, he was sure they would deal with that later.

The councilors stood there in shock. Finally after a few moments passed by, the Asari spoke as Shepard turned around to face her.

"Shepard, I grant you the resources needed for this mission, as for a team I am afraid that we cannot provide one for you, but we can suggest you talk with Captain Bailey to see if he is willing and able to provide any men. And Shepard, good luck."

"Thank you."

The Turian councilor began to argue with the Asari right as she shut the comm link.

"I am surprised."

"That makes two of us… Thank you, Anderson."

"What for?"

"For always having my back."

He smiled and nodded. "How bout we go and rescue this man of yours."

"How about it."

* * *

><p>The feel of the cool angled metal underneath my fingertips was reassuring. I hadn't felt that comfort in a long time. Looking around, at the new upgrades to the Normandy makes me want to go crazy over the tech details. But my focus was torn, from the corner of my eye I could see a person standing a few feet away, studying me. Someone I thought I would never see again. I was given a second chance that most would have never gotten. And I wasn't about to throw it away for some new tech.<p>

I turned to face Shepard as I made my way towards her across the CIC.

"So, what else is new on this ship? Besides the size of this thing of course."

"Haha, I guess it has grown in size since the original one huh?"

She smiled sweetly towards me, and I couldn't hold her gaze. I do not deserve her smiles, her friendliness. All I deserve is her beating the shit out of me, right here right now.

"Well, the whole third floor has changed; it's bigger for one, obviously. But there was a kitchen added, along with windows! I don't see the need for the windows, you know, structural weakness and all, but I guess it looks good."

She motioned for me to follow her into the elevator, I complied. The elevator door shut tight, I could smell her perfume. She still wore the same sweet flowery kind, the one that reminded me of home back on Earth. I cringed at the sent, too many memories that were associated with that smell.

"Are you okay? You look like your about to puke."

"Mmm? Yea I am fine, just a headache is all… So Cerberus added a kitchen? That's an awfully nice addition for the crew members."

"Oh, it's wonderful; we should have had one on the first Normandy. I mean it makes perfect sense. Hard working soldiers need a kitchen stocked completely full with foods."

Shepard glanced over at me and held my gaze. There was something about her eyes. It was as if they longed for something. But before I could ask the elevator door swooshed open and she quickly glanced forward taking the lead.

She gave me a tour of the newly designed floor. We found ourselves making our way towards the kitchen. I glanced over to my right and noticed what windows she was talking about. I let out a small chuckle. She heard me.

"Have something you want to share?"

"Oh, I was just noticing the windows, and how I could see that they would bother you."

"Oh, and they wouldn't bother you?"

"Hah, I never said that…"

"Mhmm."

I continued to look around, trying to ignore the small awkward silences that happen to fill the room. I glanced over towards the windows once more, looking into the med bay. The whole floor looked extremely different. It's strange, same ship from the outside but a complete different design from the inside.

I began to turn towards Shepard, but from the corner of my eye I realized something that had changed. There were no lockers on this level anymore.

"I was wondering the same thing when I first saw this floor."

"Huh?"

"You were just staring at the spot where the lockers were on the SR-1. And I was saying that I noticed the same change when I first boarded this Normandy. I don't know why it was the first thing I noticed, but… But it was." Shepard's eyes pierced into mine. She slowly came around the counter to my side leaning against it. I tore my eyes away from hers and glanced at the sleeping pods in front of me. Why is she doing this? She can't have forgiven me already, so soon.

"Kaidan." There was a hint of pain in her voice which automatically made me look over. "You seriously can't look at me for more than two seconds without feeling guilty? I forgive you, I, I thought I told you this already?"

I held her gaze, standing still without moving a muscle. "I guess I am having a hard time understanding why it is that you forgave me so quickly. I, I don't deserve it, I don't deserve you."

"Kaidan…" She stepped forward closing the gap between us and placed her hand gently on my cheek. The feeling of her skin sent memories flooding through my head. Memories of the night before Ilos and the way that she felt underneath me, I shuttered, but she kept her hand there. Her eyes never leaving mine.

"Shepard, I…"

"Shhh." She placed a finger on my lips. I closed my eyes as pain shot across my chest. Her hand slide from my lips to the back of my head, fingers intertwined with my hair. I finally opened my eyes and saw her smiling at me. Oh god how much I missed her smile. I was speechless, staring at her perfectly formed lips, remembering how they felt against mine, how they tasted. She slowly bit her bottom lip, just then I felt her pulling me closer. I closed my eyes and felt her warm breath on my lips as hers slowly traced mine. I couldn't hold back any longer I placed my hands on either side of her face and kissed her lips passionately. I felt a surge of energy flow in response to the kiss. I didn't realize until now just how much I missed Shepard. How much I needed her.

I pulled back to get some air, just as I was about to kiss her again, I heard the elevator door open. Shepard pulled away in an instant.

Out of nowhere pain shot through my mind along with this shrieking high pitched noise which caused my view to become distorted. I stumbled around until I felt the kitchen counter. I could hear Shepard screaming at me to open the drawer and toss her a pistol. I reached over, found the pistol and turned around but Shepard wasn't there. Panic rushed through my body. I felt my heart sink. I couldn't lose her a second time. I wouldn't.

That's when I heard footsteps to my right; quickly I flipped the safety off and swiftly turned to face the footsteps.

"No…"

I shot off ten rounds but it was too late, I felt a sting on the side of my neck. My hand instinctively shot up, and I realized what had happened. I felt my movements coming to a halt. My muscles were slowly freezing as I tried hard to fight the control. Within a few moments everything was pitch black.

* * *

><p>"Kaidan! Kaidan, where are you?"<p>

The ground shook underneath my feet as I searched all around for him. My heart was pounding ferociously, I began to panic. I couldn't find him underneath all of the rubble.

"Uhh Commander, the ship is going down, fast! You should have been off of there like 5 minutes ago! HURRY UP!"

"Yea, I got it Joker. Just make sure you're ready to get the hell out of here, and fast."

"Copy that."

"Kaidan!"

"Shepard, over hee… er."

I swiftly turned around towards the noise; I could have really used someone's help right now. Trying to pinpoint where Kaidan was in this destruction was a lot harder than it seemed. I shouldn't have sent Garrus back so soon.

The floor underneath me was giving away; I quickly jumped off the ledge, and onto more stable ground. That's when I saw Kaidan's bloody arm sticking out from underneath a pile of rubble.

"Kaidan! Can you hear me? Are you okay?" I began to lift pieces of debris off of his body.

"Ugh… yea, I can hear you. I-I am in a lot of pain. Hurry Shepar…"

"Kaidan? Kaidan?... Answer me goddammit!" I quickened my pace as I made my way through the rubble. Within moments I freed his chest, then slowly his legs and finally I freed his face. Kaidan's eyes were closed; I placed my ear upon his chest. Hearing faint breathing, I accepted it, slowly picked him up and threw him over my shoulder.

"Joker, I found Kaidan and I am on my way to the Normandy. Get ready to get the hell out of here, and fast!"

"Finally! Took you long enough. The ship cannot hold us any longer, Shepard. We're cutting it too close!"

With that I sprinted as fast as I could while trying to keep Kaidan steady on my back. Every step I took made something around me collapse; the ground had become extremely unstable from the explosion that Garrus caused. On top of that carrying a fully grown man on my back didn't make my escape any easier. I reached the hallway that lead to the Normandy, which was awaiting just a few feet away around the corner.

"Ahh shit, husks! I do not need to be dealing with this now." Within an instant my biotics flared bright blue, I tossed a couple husks off the ledge and shot down two blazing fire ones. I had one bullet left in my Pistol and about a dozen husks in between me and my escape. I was trapped, exhausted from carrying Kaidan and abusing my biotic powers at full blast throughout the whole rescue trip, I couldn't continue, not without avoiding passing out.

Just as I was about to accept my defeat one of the Husks heads gets blown off. I look behind it off in the distance and saw Garrus standing there with his sniper rifle.

"Oh thank god."

I used the last round on a husk just inches away from my face. Garrus left me a clearing and I sprinted down the lane. Just as I tossed Kaidan's body and jumped off the ship onto the Normandy, the floor underneath my feet gave out and started its decent towards the planets crust. The Normandy quickly swerved in and out of debris from the ship's explosion, just barely missing a few head on collisions with pieces flying off of the ship from the continuing blasts.

"Cutting it way too close there Shepard." Garrus face was flushed with extreme concern.

Breathing heavily I simply nodded in response I couldn't make out any words, overcome by complete exhaustion I slumped down to the ground. Unfortunately I felt a massive migraine coming on; one that only arrives when I push myself over the limit.

"Thank you Garrus."

As he was about to respond he was rudely interrupted by Jack storming past shoving him out of her way.

"Why did you send me back? I could have stayed and helped you beat the shit out of those damn Husks. Your crazy you know that Shepard? Insane!" Jack was fuming her hands crushed into two fists along either one of her sides.

"I am sorry Jack, but I couldn't risk losing any of my team members. So I needed you to be safely aboard the Normandy." I glanced down at Kaidan's limp body ignoring the shouting coming from Jack. I needed to get him down to the med bay and quick. I attempted to pick up Kaidan's body by myself, but realized just how much pain and exhaustion overcame my body, taking in heaving breaths to attempt to alleviate the growing discomfort. "Help me, with him Garrus, please."

"Yeah, of course."

"Hey Shepard, I am talking to you!"

"Look Jack, I am sorry, please accept my apology for what it's worth, now I really need to get him some medical attention. Please let me do this." Looking into Jack's eyes, I could see she was slowly accepting my apology but her frustration persisted. She threw her hands over her head and made her way over towards Joker in the cockpit.

"Okay, ready Garrus?"

"Yes ma'am."

I gave him a nod and we both lifted in that instant. The walk to the med bay felt like it took hours. The anxiety coupled with the exhaustion took an extreme toll on me. By the time we made it to Chakwas I had broken into a complete sweat.

"Chakwas, I need your help!" My voice was barely above a whisper and completely hoarse.

"My god! What happened to him? Put him on the table over there."

"I found him like this underneath piles of rubble. I think before the explosion Garrus set off, he broke free from his captives somehow and was attempting an escape. He was conscious before I reached him." I began to feel lightheaded I took a few steps towards Chakwas's chair but my vision went dark. Blackness encompassed my view as I felt myself drifting towards the floor,

"Shepard!" Garrus's voice slowly dissipated, then nothing…

* * *

><p>I took in a deep breath, panic rushed throughout my body. I felt around me, my fingers traced the cool metal on which I laid on. I slowly attempted to rise up, but pain from the migraine shot through my skull.<p>

"Aghh."

My hand quickly rose to my head, placing two fingers on either temple; I began to try and sooth the pain away with small circular massages, the pain persisted. My eyes began to adjust to the darkness of the room and I quickly realized I was in the med bay. I attempted to search for some pain pills. Every move of my muscles sent pain flowing from the base of my head down to my lower spine the very results of my biotic implants being overused.

I heard a noise to the left of me, someone else was in the room.

"Kaidan? Is that you?"

"Ugh…"

"Kaidan?" I glanced around me in search of a flashlight. I spotted one across the room on Chakwas's desk. Contemplating whether or not to use my biotics to pull it towards me, I succumbed.

Concentrating on the object and thinking about how much force to use, I successfully levitated the flashlight towards me; enormous pain shot across my spine. My migraine quickly enhanced its potency. I clenched my teeth and grabbed a hold of my head, as the pain rushed throughout my body. Holding back the screams for fear of who else was in the room with me. Quickly I flashed the light towards the noise and found no particular threat.

"Agh," Kaidan's hand flew up instinctively, "Shepard, please turn off the light, migraine."

"Kaidan, it's good to see you alive and breathing." I flicked off the flashlight and placed it beside me.

"Yea, same goes for you. You were passed out for quite some time there Shepard."

I took in a deep breath and relaxed as soon as I realized he was alright. "All because I was trying frantically to find you in the rubble." I paused for a bit, and then continued. "I honestly didn't know what to think… It was hell down there, and the signs showed no possible way of survival, for anyone. I got scared, I thought..."

"Shepard, I am alive, and well. Everything is okay."

"Everything's not okay Kaidan… I almost lost you out there. If it weren't for me, you wouldn't be laying here in the Normandy's med bay."

"If it weren't for you I wouldn't be here in the same room with you let alone even talking to you… Shepard, huh, I…"

The door to the med bay hissed open.

"Ah! I see you two have finally awakened." Doctor Chakwas entered the room. She ordered EDI to enhance the lighting to a bearable level for us and that still enabled vision.

I glanced over at Kaidan, his expression was heart breaking. Pain and discomfort shadowed his features. It killed me seeing him in such circumstances. I looked away not being able to take in anymore. I wondered how badly I looked.

"How long have I-we been out for Doc?"

"Well after you fainted, Garrus was quick enough and caught you before your head hit the table's edge, luckily. Your implant was overly worked; you must have really pushed yourself out there Commander, making yourself faint with an L5 implant is a hard thing to accomplish. Nevertheless, you have been out for about 3 ½ hours."

"Kaidan on the other hand responded well to my treatment and awoke an hour following your faint. Since then Kaidan requested he stay here under my orders, Anderson reluctantly accepted."

"Naturally after much persuasion on my end, after all it was my decision to stay, at least until you had woken up that is."

I glanced over at Kaidan and gave him a small reassuring smile. He held my gaze for a few moments and then returned his attention back to Chakwas.

"Keep in mind both of you are under strict supervision by me, and you will not be able to participate in combat until you fully recover, especially for you Commander. Leaving immediately after you regained healthy consciousness was an extremely risky thing to do. Now, I understand it saved Alenko's life, but I will forcibly stop you if you attempt that again!"

"Duly noted doctor, it won't happen again."

"The hell it won't! Now I am going to run some test to check up on Cerberus's implants to make sure everything is running smoothly."

Kaidan's face darkened at the mentioning of Cerberus. He slowly turned his head away from me while the test was being conducted. This small notion annoyed me and I desperately wanted to say something, but I decided it could wait.

Chakwas checked up on Kaidan's L2 implant and stated that his recovery was coming along great. She wrote down some final notes in her data pad, and told us her next visit would be in about an hour. With that she left the room, leaving both Kaidan and I alone. I laid there waiting for him to say something first, but nothing.

Glancing over at him, his back was to me. He was obviously still awake; I didn't hear any deep breathing that may have insinuated that he had fallen asleep. Finally frustrated and quickly losing my patients I questioned him.

"Is there something you want to ask me Kaidan? Because for some reason I get the feeling you are still angry at me about Cerberus."

"Hah…" He took in a deep and soothing breath before adding another statement. "Angry, yes, along with confused, flustered, disappointed, saddened, relieved, and many more. Shepard, I understand it has felt like only a couple days sense we took down Saren and his Geth forces, and that night before Ilos…" He turned his body so he could face me "But for me, it feels like it has been a century. You don't know what I have been through for the past two years. How distraught your death left me. You know I cut all contact with our former crew mates. Joker came down to my apartment and yelled at me trying to get some life back into me, but I just insulted him, which I still have yet to apologize for…"

"Apology accepted Kaidan."

"Joker! Seriously?"

"What Commander? You honestly think that I would not be listening in to this conversation? This is better than soap operas."

"EDI!"

"I am handling it right as we speak Shepard."

"Awh, your no fun..."

The comm link went silent, along with Kaidan. He simply just laid there starring into my eyes. A few moments passed and he was still silent. I was about to say something but he spoke.

"What are we going to do Shepard? You know I cannot work for a terrorist organization like Cerberus; I have always stood by your side when I felt like you were doing the right thing, always... But this, this feels wrong and I can't get over that fact. But I also cannot get over the fact that I care about you and the mere thought of you getting hurt is antagonizing…"

"And I would never ask you to join me on this mission. I know what's at stake here, and working alongside Cerberus doesn't make things any easier. I hate them as much as you do, but I was left with no choice…"

"There's always a choice Shepard."

"No, not this time, the threat the Collectors pose against humanity is too much to be ignored, and I know for a fact that the Alliance and the Council will not get anything done. Cerberus is my only option in saving a lot of Colonies from being vanished."

"Come with me, we can both try to get the Alliance on this fight."

"Kaidan…"

"I don't trust Cerberus."

"And you think I do?" I shuffled my body so that I was lying on my back, I couldn't face him anymore.

"Yes!... No, god! I don't know what to think anymore."

A long silence filled the room. I laid there starring at the ceiling, thinking of a way to break this off clean, without completely devastating our relationship.

"Let me make this simple for the both of us. As soon as you recover enough to be let off the Normandy, I'll have joker drop you off at the Citadel…"

"No! I am not leaving you!"

Ignoring his plea I continued.

"I will go about my mission as planned before we had our discussion at Flux. I will attempt entering the Omega 4 relay and destroy the Collector base. Upon my arrival back, assuming that my crew and I survive this mission, maybe then, we can further discuss our predicament. This is the only suitable way going about this, Kaidan."

He didn't say a word. I barely even heard him breathing for a while. I glanced at him from the corner of my eye, daring myself not to move. He was just lying there on his back, extremely still. I started to get anxious, I felt myself wanting to turn and face him, but I fought the urge. He finally spoke, his voice just barely above a whisper.

"If it's the only suitable way."

His voice lacked the emotion it was just carrying a few moments ago. It was extremely bland and weak, protected even. I couldn't say anything, my throat locked up, and became exceedingly dry, so I just lay there, staring at the same spot on the ceiling, wishing I was anywhere but here.


End file.
